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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 4, 2018 20:44:31 GMT -8
Orion set his phone in his pocket as he walked back over to the couch. Yellow eyes flicked to the kitchen and then up the stairs and…He could just walk right passed and start up them. They were was right there but— What’s up? Orion wouldn’t end up getting any closer to the couch and just… sort of leaned on one of the dining chairs.
He… didn’t even know where to start with this, and the rational part of himself answered simply: Don’t. The emotional part of himself was winning, though. “A nobody who I used to work with died,” that… came out less emotional and more matter-of-fact than intended. “Back in Era.” As if his tone didn’t make that obvious enough. “His mom called thinking I was somebody he… knew better or something…”
Starry shrunk a little in Nik’s arm. The tone Orion was using was…. weird and conflicting and didn’t feel right at all.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 4, 2018 21:18:33 GMT -8
Starry's presence sort of... became a background element in Nik's mind. "Oh my God..." She was handed off to Jasna as reflexively as someone pocketing a phone as they got up. Jasna's heart had sunk and her lungs tightened as well on hearing the news, and while she startled to be handed the baby again this-- this was back to doing something to help Nik, right?
Starry squirmed as Nik stood; Jasna was soft but she had been getting used to having humans around this past month?? Oh at least they hadn't gone very far. They were just putting a hand on the greener human's shoulder. That was okay, as long as they didn't go out of sight. O-oh what was Blue doing now? She wanted to see that actually. Her attention would continue to go back and forth between trying to see that the humans were still close by and hoping they were okay, and back to the tv, and back again.
Nik wasn't embracing Orion, just a simple gentle touch. "Do you... wanna talk about it? Or about him? Or just..." Need some time maybe but... Nik maybe selfishly still wanted to spend their New Year's Eve together if he could...
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 4, 2018 21:35:43 GMT -8
For all he was and all he wasn’t, Orion didn’t know what he was expecting to happen. As Nik closed the distance between the two of them, however, he found himself breathing a little more shakily (or maybe he just happened to notice it now, heh). “I don’t— even know…” he answered Nik’s question allowing his gaze to drop. A hand reached up and twisted a few curls of hair together. “I’m…kinda numb heh…” Or just weirded out to a point of no return. About the same give or take. Yellow eyes flickered up again, and Orion tried and failed to smile. “Can you just hold me for a bit? Or something?” His voice was even, almost dry. Had his features been smiling and the subject have been lighter, he almost would have been making a joke but…. right then.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 4, 2018 22:02:49 GMT -8
Nik simply nodded. They looked to the bedroom door but... Starry, so... Ah, briefly the thought of calling Dasha crossed their mind; they were sure she'd understand. But they also recalled her brief breakdown when they were in the hospital after Nik's camping disaster. She'd been so frustrated about not connecting to people, and Nik knew that pain too well. Now she had someone she actually wanted to make plans with, so Nik wouldn't take that from her.
"Jas?" They gestured with their head from the couch to the floor, and after a moment she nodded back and pulled Starry down. Mini seemed to have drifted off, too, and Nik called the Minior's attention with a tongue click to rejoin them. "Here..." they said softly to Orion. "Come over here and gimme just a second." Coaxing Orion toward the couch, he'd take a minute to grab a few of Starry's toys and a blanket, give the Pokemon those and some of the popcorn out of the bowl, and turn the volume of the show down to about a third of what it was, audible especially from closer but easier to tune out. Once all that was done, they moved back to the couch.
"Did you want a blanket?" If so they'd grab one before asking and if not they'd just ask, "You wanna sit or lie down?" Depending on his preference, Nik would hold him or let him lean into them or let him like with his head on their chest or lie on top of him to cuddle up or whatever would make him feel most snug and comfortable.
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 5, 2018 18:52:09 GMT -8
Mini blinked a couple of times coming back to reality. Looking from Nik to Jasna and then Starry, they made a low noise before floating up over Starry again twisting and twirling a bit.
Orion sat down on the couch and set one hand at his temple and the side of his face. Did he want a blanket? Yeah. The warmth and texture of it was kind of nice. Sit or lie down? Mmmmm… “Lie down I guess…” He’d shift a little uncertainly at first before slowly folding forward on Nik’s chest pressing his face there and breathing shallowly. For a while, he’d just lie there vaguely wishing he was smaller as to fit into Nik more. Heh, that was probably the only clear thought in his head right then.
His breath would settle before anything else. His body shifting his face, Orion sighed. “Can’t… feel anything…” he half-sighed half-groaned. “Not sad or …. upset or ….anything….” He had no right to. He’d worked with this guy maybe a handful of times at most. What the fuck was his number still doing in his phone anyways?
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 5, 2018 19:19:43 GMT -8
Nik snuggled in as cozy as they could, holding Orion and wrapping them both in the blanket. They stroked his hair gently, kissed the top of his head once, but mostly just held him.
As he finally spoke, Nik nodded. "I understand..." he said softly. Fingers continued to rake gently through soft green locks, and his breathing remained steady and even as he debated what to even say. If there was anything he could say.
"When my grandpa died a few years back, it was just kind of... Oh, that sucks." Even now, the guilt over admitting his reaction was so mild felt stronger than any direct feelings attached to it. "We grew up with him in the house and I had a lot of good childhood memories. But by the time he went he'd gotten so distant that I was already... detached, I guess." Maybe he was as much trying to justify his own feelings as anything, but, "It's probably pretty normal that you're not-.... yeah...."
Jasna, meanwhile, kept an ear on their conversation and an eye on the baby.
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 5, 2018 20:29:24 GMT -8
To one degree or another, Nik’s touches were soothing. With his eyes closed, Orion could almost feel them more. A soft breath drew in and out of him as he listened to Nik’s words. He could… almost imagine how Dad would say it if he asked: this was normal, psychologically step one often included a sense of detachment or denial, whatever else but also…Also. “In the business we were in…. you’re not there to make friends or anything…” Why did that come off in such a weird airy half-laugh? Why did his chest spasm like this? “So he’s just…got his mom crying for him…. Seemed like nobody else too…” His hands may have tightened a little on Nik’s clothes but only just a little. “He’s got to be so lonely…”
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 5, 2018 21:51:52 GMT -8
Ah.... That was... hm... Nik didn't want to overstep his boundaries by assuming too much here but... Mm. Maybe it was best to start with the direct matter at hand before branching out.. "...He's got you," he quietly assessed. "You're not... crying or..." He sighed. He almost wanted to say they could try to make the funeral, but the house and the Alola trip and other holiday spending they just... they really couldn't, and they'd already borrowed money recently and... Yeah, they just couldn't. "You might not be there... But you're thinking about him? You.. care if he's lonely. That's something." Not traditional mourning but.. something.
Shifting to wrap Orion a little tighter in his arms, though, he hesitated. But after a few moments, he assured him, "That'll never be you though..." Orion had done so much of the same work but... "You have so many people who love you so much."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 5, 2018 22:06:02 GMT -8
Ah… that was true. Thoughts were better than nothing, right? A slow, weak breath escaped from Orion. He wasn’t sure how much of that he believed but— Oh… Oh that assurance was… actually making his eyes well a bit, and he blinked hard several times. His eyes stung but no tears still. Hah, lovely.
“It could have been,” Oh that was… Ah, nice work mouth deciphering those feelings. Now if you could do that safely within the confines of his head instead, that’d be great. “I could have died in Era— I’d been expecting to….” No? Just going to keep talking then? At least his voice was quiet. “Or worse I guess I … could have gotten Jazz killed…” Or any of his family back then, he guessed. “Don’t even know if I would have felt a thing…” Hhhhhh. “Or if I would have just….” Gone on, he guessed.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 5, 2018 22:26:24 GMT -8
Oh? Oh... Okay well.. The first part kind of made sense, but as it spiraled into the rest, Nik frowned. "Hey.." He shifted to sit up a bit, and in the process made Orion sit up a bit to look at him. "Listen to me. None of that matters." This was said so firmly, so matter of factly.
"You ended lives," he said flatly. "My negligence and pride probably cost even more." Something he'd been reminded of all too deeply with Luke pretty recently, but.. right now, it was a simple point of observation. "We're allowed to feel guilt for those things for the rest of our lives. But what might have happened and what you could have done don't matter. They didn't happen. They aren't your life or who you are."
Blue eyes held goldenrod firmly. "You're not gonna insult the man I love by dwelling on who he might have been when I know what an amazing person he is."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 5, 2018 22:39:34 GMT -8
Orion winced a little- both from sitting up some and Nik’s words after. Some part of him knew none of the if’s really mattered. Some part of him accepted that possibilities could only spiral worse so it wasn’t best to dwell. But a twisted part of himself used such similar words to keep him going so much that it felt… vaguely jarring to hear outside of his head. And yet here he was staring at Nik. That last ….assurance had a weird noise breaking passed Orion’s lips, and he found himself kinda flopping in Nik’s lap. “Sorry, I know he’s yours… I know it’s… in bad taste to insult someone else’s thing…” Was he… maybe chuckling at that? Or maybe kind of sobbing or somewhere in between. Orion couldn’t even tell for himself right then.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 6, 2018 2:03:14 GMT -8
Nik laughed / maybe borderline sobbed lightly in turn at Orion's reaction. "Good," he answered. "You better be sorry. I love him way too much to put up with that." He leaned in to Orion, snuggling up and nuzzling against him, eventually kissing his jaw once softly. One hand gently caressed Orion's chest and arms, while the other nested in his hair, massaging his scalp lightly.
After a while more of quiet holding, he prompted, "Why don't you tell me a bit about him.. You know..? We can't.. go to a service or visit a grave, but... You could give him our own little memorial, sorta, just by talking here.."
In the meantime, Starry still seemed content enough watching tv and occasionally Mini, and nomming on the sweet popcorn snack. She wondered a bit what the humans were talking about and if they were okay, but their words any time she turned her focus that way mostly went over her head, and they looked very cozy together so she assumed they were keeping each other safe from whatever might be wrong.
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 6, 2018 21:23:48 GMT -8
Nik’s prompting had Orion’s eyes flicker open. He didn’t even…really register that they had closed up to that point, but for a few seconds, he stared through the semi-fuzz that was his shit vision (when did his glasses come off? Heh). “His name was Noah— Noah Walker— according to his mom,” Orion half sighed. “He was kind of a skeeze… but we drank beers a couple of times and he could have been worse.” Orion’s lips quirked and fell so quickly it was hard to be sure it had even been there. “We were more or less in the same bizz, taking big contracts and dealing with high stakes and rewards….”
A weird breathy laugh escaped from Orion unexpectedly. “Apparently he was friends with a lot of weird cultish naturalists out in the Eastern Woods or something. His mom thought I was one of those.” He wondered if she registered how silly it sounded for a naturalist to have a cellphone, but whatever. “That or his drug dealer…” he sighed weakly after the fact.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 21, 2018 22:07:29 GMT -8
Yeah? Huh... That.. wasn't a lot, was it. This wasn't really having the whole remembrance feeling Nik had hoped for, but.. Orion did laugh a little. That was good, right? ... Yeah. That was Enough. (..Did that name sound a bit familiar? Nik couldn't place it if it did, and what registered as a distant bell may just have been wishful thinking, wanting to be able to somehow contribute.)
Nik half-choked on one sharp breath of guilty laughter at that drug dealer line, but backing up... "Hang on. Naturalists, like... survivalist live-off-the-land type folks, or like.. nudists? Because man I don't remember a nudist colony out east but I really wanna know if it was there and I just never saw it." This was clearly the appropriate priority here.
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Jan 22, 2018 20:34:45 GMT -8
Pfffft. A small snorted laugh escaped from Orion again. “I think she meant live-off-the-land type folks but…. if we had a nudist colony running around the Eastern Woods that’d explain some of the weird magical folklore in that uh…. Ah fuck what was it called….” Orion knew there was, in fact, some kind of Enchanted Forest out that direction, a place he had only very briefly passed through on a job. Apparently, there was something magical about it or something— not that he ever knew what it was. “That Fairy haven in the East. Said to have all that special magic or whatever? Maybe the nudists were in hiding there and drove everyone they saw crazy.” Heh… why was his memory of Era so quickly wiping from his mind? Ah well. Could be worse.
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