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I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 2, 2018 16:05:28 GMT -8
"You're fine," Kai assured Dasha, but would walk them to the door regardless. "Just... try to relax and enjoy your night. We'll get this taken care of..." Keone looked up from his yarn and smiled and waved to the siblings as they left.
---
Nik... heard Dasha, but was having trouble really processing anything right now. It was so hard to breathe, and-- at the thought of her leaving, they burst into sobbing again. They tried to wipe their eyes, but they watered right back up, making it an exercise in futility.
"I'm sorry," they finally squeaked. "I'm so..--" Sobs closed their throat, but they fought to push through. "I shouldn't--... It was... stupid and.. selfish to--..." They were shaking fiercely, and breathing heavily. "I should've.. learned from our birthday. I just... wanted everyone I love and it-- I was stupid I'm sorry I--..." Oh they were a mess.
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 2, 2018 16:35:41 GMT -8
Dasha jolted more than she probably should have at Nik's sob, and she stopped walking almost immediately. I should have learned from our birthday- the yeah probably that resounded in Dasha was too loud. I probably should have learned from our birthday.
Why did she ever want to be around Nik's lovers or his friends or anyone that seemed to associate with him- them? She didn't. She really really didn't. Why did she even… bother? They had just seen each other a couple days before at Christmas with the family, and that should have been enough.
Ugh.
Dasha wouldn't, couldn't, say anything back but slowly pulled Nik into a hug, feeling through their hair slowly. She'd…. just let them cry it out refusing to say much of anything else right then.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 2, 2018 16:43:16 GMT -8
Nik tensed a bit when Dasha embraced them, but they didn't fight her. Slowly they'd start to relax into her. They just... wanted her to be part of their life. That was probably stupid or misguided. They couldn't understand why the amazing people who made them so happy made her so angry, but they shouldn't have tried to force them on her. Or... should have just accepted she was never going to like them, or... something.
But... they were so much of Nik's life. Were so much of who they'd become. And if she couldn't stand to be around anyone close to Nik then....
"Please... don't leave me again..."
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 2, 2018 16:55:01 GMT -8
Dasha tensed slightly at Nik's words. Had they been reading her thoughts or maybe remembering her words from earlier? How much she wanted to go back to Era and… how much she was willing to do for it? Teeth sunk into the side of her mouth. As much as she wanted to promise that wasn't going to happen, that they had come back together and everything was fine, everything wasn't fine. Nothing was fine. Dasha didn't want to pretend that it was in any capacity.
Instead, she sighed softly. "Don't make me choose between you and my work then," she finally muttered. "Interpol is who I am. It's what's kept me going for-" For years now, she realized. Without it, she might have just as easily lost all hope in Era's conflicts, lost all hope in finding herself. "I wouldn't be me without it." The organization, the structure, the friends and commanders she'd made. Kai and Sam and Josh and everyone at the office.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 2, 2018 18:09:33 GMT -8
"And I wouldn't be alive without--" The words left Nik before they'd processed the thought, before they could even think of refraining, and they bit their tongue the moment they realized their mouth was moving. There was some fierce, almost feral reflex that had cropped up when Dasha asked them not to make her choose between them and what defined her. That was.. exactly what she had asked them to do, and they'd been doing everything in their power to find a third option, and it felt like she was totally disregarding that effort or didn't see it in the first place and--
That didn't matter, did it? "Sorry..." came out just above a whisper. "I'm the one.. begging you to stay... I shouldn't expect you to accommodate me..."
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Interpol
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 2, 2018 18:58:26 GMT -8
Dasha's teeth grit behind her pressed lips. Some knee jerk, feral instinct in her wanted to spit back a Fine then live with them not me, and right then if they hadn't apologized she most certainly would have. The hyper rational part of her had already recognized and vaguely accepted their incapable desires, and it didn't know why she even tried at this point.
The apology, however, had her eyes glazing over some. "You make me want to run away again," she admitted before grimacing and looking off down the street instead. "I'm tired of …." Fighting. This felt like fighting. Like when Ilya got her way or Mom didn't understand or Dad was never home or whatever. It was just Not Working and she was Tired of It.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 2, 2018 19:22:17 GMT -8
Nik's eyes glazed over, and their arms wrapped around themself. "Me," they finished for her. "I know..." She had been for years, right? Nik guessed... they should appreciate she tried this long. That she still sounded willing to try even though both of them knew on some level it wasn't going to work out well.
A year ago, Nik would have pushed her away. Asked what was even the point. Wanted to get it over with now so it wouldn't hurt as much later, just ripped off the bandaid already. But now...
"I can... give you more space. I'll try to... be better.."
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 2, 2018 20:13:54 GMT -8
Daze's eyes glazed over some. Was it Nik? No it was everyone surrounding him. And who was letting them do that? Who was attracting them all? All the people who were terrible or natural enemies? Who sided with the wrong side of the law? A year ago, had Nik pushed her away, Dasha most certainly would have left. She would have asked to be reassigned to Kanto or Johto or Hoenn or Sinnoh or Unova or Kalos or Alola. Anywhere else to be away from this place.
Instead, she sighed. Some humorless part of her almost asked how they planned to do that, how they planned to fix their own situation, how they thought this was at all going to be ok.
Dasha was crying again. A hand went up to cover her mouth, but she was crying harder still. She didn't…. couldn't… think of what she wanted to say. All she knew were these mess of feelings that didn't make a whole lot of sense. Did she want more space? Did she want Nik to try and work on- something? Making friends with non-criminals? Or weaving complexities when she'd asked them about that in the first place? Had he not made an associate who decided to fall in love with Niso Konto- or fucked a person who was in love with Niso Konto- ugh would it be any different right now? She just didn't even know anymore.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 2, 2018 22:04:38 GMT -8
Nik waited for an response... and waited some more. At this point, they couldn't tell if Dasha's silence was just ('just') being overwhelmed or if she was mad at them or...
Anything. They didn't know anything. Nothing except how desperate they were to keep all the people they loved close by, and how impossible it felt right now to do so.
It could be worse. What voice was that? She could be threatening. She could be actively pushing you away. She could have just destroyed everyone's lives and been done with it. True... This was.. very true and... some weird blend of Sera's optimism and Orion's cynicism and Mia's bluntness in Nik's head, and they felt their heart... lighten just a bit.
"Thank you..." They finally murmured. "For... everything, I guess..."
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 3, 2018 6:32:39 GMT -8
Dasha wanted to go home- home where- Era. Era where all she needed was one sharp sword and a couple of orders from her commander to get things done. Era whose mountains stretched off into the distance. Era that had never asked her to make concessions to her justice. Era that was her personal mission to see returned to a stable, happy situation.
Thank you? Nik for what- For everything?
A weird sigh escaped from Dasha, her hand lowering, her eyes a little droopier but less glossy. In that moment, Dasha was reminded again that Sera was the one who yelled at the Gala that she didn't deserve Nik, that they had been through so much since she was gone, had been close to suicide on coming to Veria. She knew that, understood that, accepted that after months. Dasha wouldn't apologize for leaving, ever, probably. But she could understand the consequences of her own actions at least on that front. As much as she wanted to leave again, Dasha guessed, for now, she wouldn't. At least not until she could be cleared to head home and then… who knew. Who cared.
Mmmmmmm….
A Pokeball was pulled out, and a Gallade formed yet again. "Gamma, back to Pahala if you could," her words came off much quieter but still audible. The Gallade frowned but gave a small nod teleporting them onto the right platform if not at Nik's house. Whoops- he still didn't exactly know where that was, actually. Oh well?
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 3, 2018 8:03:20 GMT -8
Mmm... As they rematerialized in Nik's extended 'neighborhood', but not quite their actual street, Nik felt a bit of relief wash over them. It was... kind of over in a way, wasn't it? The full implications of everything that had just transpired were really setting in. This was no longer a desperate personal secret, but an official undercover operation, wasn't it? And that... heh.
"This way." Nik nodded a direction, only barely lying. This route would take them to the shore a few blocks down the street, close enough to see their house from there if you knew where to look.
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Interpol
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 3, 2018 9:11:37 GMT -8
Dasha… almost wanted to let Nik go on alone. Have Gamma teleport her back to Sinclair and go home to Alex. It wouldn't be hard since she registered that this was the correct platform at least (if not exactly sure where the streets went). However, as Nik spoke, Dasha followed along in silence. She… really didn't have much more to say at this point unless prompted but would at least see Nik to their house again. Belatedly she'd realized they probably didn't have any Pokemon on them- and even if this wasn't the tall grass, it was something.
Gamma… did not get returned, and the awkward Gallade sort of just followed along still not exactly sure what all was happening. Maybe he could just pretend he wasn't there and the two humans would forget about him until Dasha wanted to go home again. Yeah, that would work.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 3, 2018 9:57:42 GMT -8
Nik considered everything they might want to say as they walked, a bit grateful Dasha had taken to silence for the moment.
When they could see the edge of the platform in the distance, the quietly urged, "C'mere..." before continuing that way. The stars were bright, and the moon nearly full, reflecting on the water. "Something hit me just before we left Faraday..." They really hoped this went as well aloud as in their head, heh...
"I love the sea," they declared, just before arriving at the railing. "I never thought I would, and it might be at least half loving how much Orion loves it." They laughed softly. "But.. it's beautiful and almost endless, and.. it's wild, but up here behind these rails..." they reached out to touch one, "I feel safe, even right next to it." They were sure she was wondering what this had to do with anything, but wouldn't keep her guessing long.
"I can see myself happy here... for a long time. And.. thanks to you, thanks to tonight, that's... not in danger anymore, is it... If The Plan doesn't work out, I tried, but it'll just be.. something else I failed to see through, and not something I can be punished for." Unless the Commander needed someone to take a fall or something, but... he seemed reasonable, even if kind of terrifying, heh. "Which... made me realize something else." Nik's gaze turned from the sea to Dasha, smiling softly.
"When you left before, I was devastated, and I've been so afraid of that happening again... but back then, you were all I had. If you do leave-- or when you go back to Era-- I'll be heartbroken.. but I'll live." What a novel concept? This genuinely hadn't set in fully until tonight. "I don't... need you in my life anymore--" they made a gesture signaling her not to react to that until they'd finished-- "but I want you here.. and I think that's a good thing to realize?" They smiled a bit harder, questioningly, for just a moment. "It's finally really sinking in that you aren't responsible for my feelings, and I shouldn't hold you to that standard. So I think I just... wanna try to enjoy what time we have together, and look out for each other if we can, but..."
Their hand moved up to the back of their neck. "What I'm trying to say is I love you, and I'm so grateful for tonight, but I want to do my best from now on to remember you have your own life as much as I do, and doing what's right for you doesn't mean you don't care about me. And I'm sorry for not realizing that sooner."
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Feb 3, 2018 10:57:51 GMT -8
Dasha hesitated for a moment at Nik's beckoning but didn't have the energy to really argue either. She just… sort of followed along for now. Coming to the railing, Dasha set both hands on it and just stared outwards. She didn't love the sea in the same way but could just as easily imagine it like staring out at the mountains in the distance. The peaks of Mt. Everesstone or the rougher passes along the northern strip. She could probably have had a kindred spirit with those of Liggs had she let herself.
She didn't speak as Nik did, but she did maybe breathe a little easier. Having Kaimana in on this offered so much more stability and reassurance than she was ready for. She…. really loved him a lot, yeah? Yeah. She was aware Nik's eyes were on her, and for a moment her gaze did slip sideways, but her head wouldn't turn. Her eyes involuntarily watered again at the next set of words, but Nik didn't even really need to make a gesture to not react. She just... didn't aside from maybe letting her gaze flick outwards towards the water again.
Everything Nik said was either a 'well duh' or an 'oh' in Dasha's mind. Her lips pressed together hard, but as Nik apologized, Dasha spoke right after. "Kaimana saved me," she paused a moment after to debate whether she wanted to even… go further with that. Blue eyes flickered forward. "During the mission that put me in the hospital, I ran straight at an exploding Pokemon trying to stop it. I had… no problem with being taken out with it- or maybe I was just confident enough that I could do it." She… couldn't actually fully recapitulate whatever she had been feeling in that moment and guessed it might have something to do with her head.
"Either way, he kept me and my Arcanine from being ripped apart completely." Yeah, probably. "And after that rather than remove me from Interpol entirely, he let me take a vacation with Dad and then…asked me to go with him to Alola to learn Z-knowledge first hand." Another pause, and she leaned back up off the bars. "I trust Kaimana with my life, completely." Ah, she guessed… she didn't really realize this fully until now.
A breath, in and out again. "Sam Parker is the first friend I've ever made in Veria. We became friends because of a mission." Yeah. "I had plenty of associates and coworkers, but they're not my Eran brothers and sisters. Sam….is someone who shops with me, lets me do her hair up in silly ways, and… legitimately enjoys it." Nik did but they were Busy managing however many partners they had now. Alex didn't seem to except in rarer situations.
"Even one of my associates Josh saved me from a bank robbery situation. He came to help on a dime." His fast acting had kept things from becoming a stalemate or worse: a situation where each one was a victim.
"You don't know them-" Dasha paused again before shrugging her shoulders. Nik had just met Kai after all, but still. "But they're important to me."
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Feb 3, 2018 11:45:13 GMT -8
Nik's brows raised at the turn, before she went on and had them tensing pretty hard at realizing just how reckless Dasha had been in her 'accident'. They remembered the story Kaimana had given the family, and realized now he'd covered for her, and... sigh. That was both reassuring in how much he could be trusted with this and still pretty upsetting; they did wonder why she brought this up now though.
But they listened and caught on soon enough what she was doing with it. This was... her life to contrast with Nik's, huh? It was.. nicer than Nik ever expected to hear about the people Dasha cared about. Likely, they could thank their own important people for that feeling. Nik certainly got jealous of Vesta from time to time, but often hearing Mia giddy over something she'd done was more endearing than anything. And Marcie made Nik want to scream, but... they held onto hope they could work on that.
And Sera... really had been exactly what Nik needed for so long, huh? Close and a comfort, but not too close, not intimate enough to make them panic or latch on too tight. Granted, Nik could never remember particularly caring about who else a sexual partner slept with, outside of Orion and probably Storm (but they recognized fully the latter was some gross possessive bullshit), unless they had a specific problem with the other person. But Sera had added a layer of emotional attachment to that that was just strong enough yet casual enough to help prepare them for a fully poly mindset later, and that approach to dealing with jealousy or things that might have otherwise incited jealousy had now spread to platonic and familial relations as well, it seemed. Nik was deeply grateful for that. It was all too easy to imagine the sort of resentment they could have held knowing there were people Dasha had grown to value as much or more than them, but being able to be happy for her was just... so much nicer that it made Nik a bit misty-eyed again.
You don't know them. True. Dasha had met Nik's loved ones, but while Nik had talked to Kai a handful of times, they didn't 'know' him and he was the only one. (They might laugh later realizing they recognized Josh, too, but for now a common given name certainly wouldn't be enough to realize Josh Dragomir was her coworker, and even then having seen a movie was hardly knowing a person, heh.)
"Come back to the house with me," Nik said somewhat suddenly, but calmly and evenly. "I know you don't want to, and you don't have to..." But they knew phrasing it as a light command would probably have her considering it at least a little more than a question, heh. "But Orion worked really hard all day baking all kinds of treats for everyone, and I worked hard on the decor. Not sure if she's opened it yet, but Mia's a gym leader, so..." They lazily, almost playfully winked. "As Interpol, it's probably good you see first hand at least once what kind of power her new arm's packing." Cooperation between the League and Interpol during times of crisis were common enough, after all. Best to know what kind of resources were available, yeah~?
"I won't invite you to anything else with my people, but just a few minutes tonight. Help me convince everyone everything's fine-- if so Marcie won't be as on guard against her investigation if nothing else." They may or may not have been slightly lying in that intention; they'd yet to decide just yet. "Grab your presents, and let me load you up with some snacks to take home. Sure Alex would appreciate a few after watching whatever Pokemon for you-- annnd I actually have some shirts for them under the tree I'd have given you to take home earlier if I wasn't a dumbass." A breath of almost-snicker at their own expense followed that. They'd just been allotting to everyone who was there without thinking.
"Then maybe... some time I could try to join you and Sam for a Girls' Day or something~? You've tried with my friends, after all. It's only fair I do the same, yeah?" Nik's hands clasped behind their back, and their shoulders moved in not so much a shrug as a vaguely cutesie gesture as they smiled a bit brighter at her. Were they trying to endear her enough to persuade her to give this one last tiny chance? Yeah, probably. But hey, they felt cuter since the Cookie, so they may as well make use of it some time, yeah?
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