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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 13, 2017 17:56:34 GMT -8
Dasha gulped back what would otherwise have been more choking sounds. Her head shook in a ‘no’ that made her neck hurt, and she blinked back a couple more tears. “I wanted you to stop me,” her voice had tried to come out in a yell but only succeeded about a third of the volume, raspy and desperate and emotional. “I wanted you to just keep me home and pay attention to me.” She was crying again, but it was different from before. Strange, frustrated, exhausted, groggy. It sounded like she was wheezing quite a bit.
Snowflake fidgeted. She didn’t know what to do? She couldn’t— what could she do? Dasha why???? Why must you humans be so confusing and complicated and????
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 13, 2017 18:05:58 GMT -8
Wh--what??? That--....what?? Iris bit her lip and took a moment to fight down a bit of a visceral reaction to that claim. She was... very much in an altered state right now. Maybe it would be better to come back after she'd slept more, but she didn't want to appear dismissive either.
"I asked you to stay numerous times, dear. I.." Maybe she should have been stricter with punishments in Dasha's early teen rebellion? Grounded her more often and more heavily? Would that have made any difference? "Your father insisted you just needed room to stretch your wings, and when you left for good you were a legal adult. I didn't... have any ground to..." She didn't have ground for a lot of things.
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 13, 2017 18:22:24 GMT -8
Dasha just kept crying. “You just loved Ilya more,” she insisted not even really listening or processing Iris’s rationale— just going on to the next thing, apparently. “And what’d she ever do? She’s just a baby.”
…..Ok, Dasha ok??? Snowflake frowned and looked from her to Iris and back again. This was… probably just not a good time and the Absol was very aware of this. Shifting around on the bed, she ended up laying on Dasha’s other side, effectively between her and Iris in turn. There that— wasn’t going to solve anything but made her feel less like she couldn’t do anything here.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 13, 2017 18:37:20 GMT -8
Iris' mouth opened. It closed. She blinked. Tears welled in her eyes. "I--" She shifted uncomfortably. A stream of memories she couldn't begin to sort out or convey in words swam through her. She withdrew in on herself, stepping back, looking further away. "She..." She choked. Her mouth opened again, and a hand flew to cover it as she choked harder, lurching a bit this time. She visibly wrestled with herself a moment or two more, then fled the room.
After her footsteps faded quickly down the hall, everything was quiet for about two minutes, maybe closer to three. Then heavier footsteps approached.
"...Baby girl? Is... What uh...?"
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 13, 2017 18:59:05 GMT -8
The minute Iris left, Dasha rolled sideways, away from Snowflake, despite the pain in her sides and back (and even more in the back of her head specifically). Her arm struggled for about a minute to pull the blankets up over her head, but by the time Feliks came in, she was huddled under them crying quieter.
Snowflake, meanwhile, didn’t know what to do. She shifted, looking at Dasha and then back where Iris had gone. When Feliks came in, she looked back making a low, pained noise before looking back to Dasha’s form. The monitors all read within ‘normal’ levels still but… but that couldn’t have been comfortable at all? What do??? What do-- ???
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 13, 2017 19:32:20 GMT -8
Feliks... stood in the door for a bit. Almost a minute, probably. He didn't really know what else to do, even though he was the one who offered to come talk to her. He just knew Iris was a mess and could barely say why, but from what little she got out he assumed it would be easier for him to talk about than her and he would know a lot more than Nikolai.
Those facts remained true, but 'easier for him than Iris' and 'easy for him' were two very different statements. He was constantly grateful the kids had all gotten at least some speaking skill from their mother, because he had next to none.
Finally, he sighed and pulled up a chair next to her bed, resting his arms on the side of it. "Dasha, sweetie... Can you... tell me what's wrong?"
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Interpol
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PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 13, 2017 19:50:41 GMT -8
Dasha did not answer right away. It was questionable if she’d even heard him at first. Snowflake looked from Feliks to Dasha and then back again several times before the sheets moved slightly and Dasha came out- back to Feliks. “Mom’s always preferred Ilya… She’s.. always liked Ilya she…” she was stammering half-sobbing and half-complaining. “Nnnn my head hurts…” That was… a lesser complaint but considering Feliks had asked what was wrong rather than what had happened, he got to hear that too. “N… my back and my side and I hurt.” Well, clearly that had been established, but there you go.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 13, 2017 21:02:18 GMT -8
That. Yeah... Oh boy... Why did he volunteer for this? He kind of... kind of got as much from Iris but he hoped... she was wrong or he misunderstood her but... No, he was gonna have to deal with this. Oh boy...
"I can ah... call the nurse about upping your dosage if you decide you need it..." he offered. In the meantime, though...
"Your mom..." He took a deep breath. He guessed her sharply pushing against whatever he said only really landed them exactly where they already were, so here went nothing. "There's something you don't.... ah... I'm not sure I can ever remember seeing her as excited as she was before you two were born. She was so.. ecstatic to be a mother-- your mother, but..."
He shifted in his seat. "Postpartum hit her hard. Like not-.. I had her on suicide watch for a few months. She tried so hard but we were... worried to let her spend too much time around you and your brother." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe.. I should've tried harder to help her bond, or..." Woulda shoulda coulda, he guessed, and sighed to dismiss the thought.
"She's... always struggled with anxiety and depression. I know you know that." Just like Nik, and sometimes he'd wondered if Dasha might be dealing with one or both and just handling a lot differently, though that probably came from some projecting regarding his own more social-centric anxiety... heh... "But by the time she got it manageable again, it... She felt like she missed out and."
He huffed. "She felt like she was your mother but would never be your mom. Those are. her words." Ones he didn't get to this day, but he tried to respect Iris' feelings about it. "Ilya sort of.. became a second chance in her head and... Please don't tell your sister I said this but a coping mechanism. She sort of.. tied her own happiness so much into Ilya's and it... Don't tell your mother I said this but I worry about it a lot, especially since Ilya left for school." Maybe... he should try spending more time at home but...
But.......
"I... can't seem to make her happy either, you know..." he mumbled a lot more quietly. "Sometimes it's just... easier to stay out of her way than to hang around and feel useless, though... I... get that... I do."
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 13, 2017 21:27:36 GMT -8
Dasha shut her eyes tight, but her ears remained open. She listened, she did, even if she didn’t want to. She could imagine Mom being excited, almost like she’d been when she had Ilya. She could… also imagine how much she struggled. She knew those feelings whether she wanted to or not— she just….
Missed out? The thought cut into Dasha so much that her eyes opened, and she stared at the far wall tensely. Her heart monitor peeped a little louder but settled again kinda sorta. Our mother but never our mom? That… did not make sense to her, but then wasn’t that what she felt to a degree? That … Mom had never been a mom? But that was for different reasons, wasn’t it? But did that really matter? She guessed… not.
Coping mechanism. That… made so much sense when put like that but… it still hurt. I can’t seem to make her happy either, you know…. At some point her eyes had teared up again, and Dasha blinked hard trying to clear them. This hurt? This sucked? This was so… so so …. Some part of her knew it, though, didn’t she? Mom was so fragile- but could be so destructive. A glass, or maybe ice, cannon. A weak breath drew into her. There was a long pause before finally an “Ok…” resounded in the air.
Another longer pause occurred before she slowly shifted back, laying flat back on the bed again and letting her head turn towards Feliks again. Her eyes had since cleared some though whether this was from burnout of reconciliation was debatable. She looked tired, was still tired. “….I need to talk to Ilya… but… later…” she sighed a bit closing her eyes. That was… still not something she was looking forward to in its entirety but… still.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 13, 2017 21:49:19 GMT -8
Was... that a good reaction? Neutral? Was that quiet fury? Why could he not be at least a little better at reading this sort of thing... Couldn't he get, like, 3 monthly Understanding Points to spend when needed most? Would that be so much to ask? Heh...heh. He would... tell himself it didn't seem too bad, at least.
"...I'll.. let her know, if you really want to," he assured her, then shifted. "Just... don't be too hard on her... all right?" He forced a weak smile at her. "She's not as strong as you are, you know..."
Almost immediately, he faltered, averting his gaze and rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry. I know that came out cheesy. Ah... I really... mean it, though. I do... wish you'd come home more, but... You know I've never been the most... sociable person, so it... doesn't really affect me as much as your mother and brother." His words were a bit quicker as he rushed to add, "I've missed you, I have. Just... Even with that, hearing everything you've accomplished, I've.. always been... so proud of you."
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 14, 2017 6:31:07 GMT -8
Dasha bit her lip. What should have come off as praise almost hurt, and she felt the brief overwhelming desire to just … stop talking all together. As Feliks went on, however, she felt... a mix of things she couldn’t readily describe. Anxiety, sadness, anger? What were they even at exactly? At least up until the end when something clicked in her head. Tears welled again, but she fought to keep them back. “I try so hard, Daddy….” she squeaked wishing her voice would be some level of manageable and controlled. “I work so hard… and it’s like it’s not enough— like I’m not enough…” Even having some context into Mom’s feelings only helped so much. Even hearing Dad’s praise only helped so much. These feelings had been seeded and festering too long.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 14, 2017 13:15:38 GMT -8
Ffffffffffffff........ No nope nope no not this why this. A squirm turned into a harsh shiver. "You're enough," he fumbled. "You.." He scratched his head quickly, nervously, trying to grasp for a thought that might help.
"Ilya's our baby." Wait he shouldn't have started on that shit. "And Nik is.." Maybe a different approach. "They both took more after your mother." Okay so Nik had loads of Feliks in him mostly in social ways but Feliks didn't tend to see those so much for numerous reasons. "Of all the kids, you're.. the most like me?" He forced a wide grin. "I guess I should apologize for that," he vaguely tried to joke.
He was... very uncomfortable, and jumpy, as if he expected the rest of the family to apparate into the room at any second. Actually, he did a quick glance back at the doorway just in case, and even then was afraid they'd be right outside. "I.. love my whole family. But I... there are ways... I just feel like I.. have the most in common with you so..." Dasha do not make him put this into more direct words he was fidgety enough.
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 14, 2017 14:37:26 GMT -8
Dasha was blinking hard, but her eyes refused to water again. She’d cried too much already, and now she was just left with a vague stinging sensation. Ilya’s our baby. Dasha flinched, physically. Snowflake fidgeted looking at her with concern before looking back to Feliks. The man had already gone on, however. Ilya and Nik took after Mom. Dasha gulped. But I’m the most like Dad… She always knew that, was always proud of that fact. She loved going out into the woods and doing nothing and everything and… getting away and….ignoring problems.
I have the most in common with you. She felt the same, plain and simple. Dad just… got it? He got … so much of it, and suddenly she was both thankful for this fact and blaming him for it. There were too many conflicting things, and she was so tired and…. “I like fighting bears, Dad,” she was suddenly wheeze-laugh-not-quite-crying. All at once she didn’t even know why. “And going camping and climbing mountains and wrestling wild cats and …” Why was she saying this? He already knew this, already got this. Maybe she was just emotional and tired again, delirious even.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 14, 2017 22:06:02 GMT -8
Feliks... couldn't help but laugh a bit too. He never understood the fixation with the phrase 'fighting bears' specifically-- or did she mean that literally?-- but especially once she added everything else he just... Couldn't help but weakly join in. "I know, baby girl. I..."
His mouth opened, and closed. He fidgeted, glanced over his shoulder, and... hesitantly... quietly... "Don't... say anything... but..." Another paranoid look. Oh hey he was starting to guess what Nikolai got from his side after all, ha... ha........ "You..." Just once. Just for her sake. Just... "You'remyfavorite."
He almost swore he heard a voice yelling what the hell dad!?, but knew he hadn't actually heard it, and maintained a weak nervous smile.
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Nov 15, 2017 7:33:25 GMT -8
Dasha might have gone on, but as Feliks spoke, her eyes suddenly welled again. Some part of her knew, some part of her understood, some part of her was distantly aware that she was closest to Dad, that they shared a certain understanding that was just there, but …. But being told she was his favorite was suddenly so overwhelming? Maybe it was just that this was stacked on top of everything else, but she was blinking away tears and smiling hard all at once. She just… just wanted to be someone’s favorite, just wanted someone to say it and just… “Thank you Daddy…” she choked out trying very hard not to straight up dissolve into tears in front of him. Both arms raised up and sideways and she would certainly have forced herself up and out of the bed if she could to hug him but just…. Ugh even with medication it hurt. Everything hurt.
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