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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 20, 2017 18:57:50 GMT -8
Dasha’s eyes flashed sideways. Lips pressed together, but color had touched her features. “Oh yeah, like it’s my fault you clung to me and couldn’t stand on your own two feet,” she snapped back. “It’s my fault that you didn’t come with me.” She bit back other words, forced her volume down, and took in a slower breath. “Sure. Blame me, blame me for everything because I’m a perfect scape goat.” Her eyes stung, but she wasn’t about to reach up and wipe them. Dasha glanced away, not saying anything thereafter. For as much as she wanted to get up and leave, there was no point. She’d just end up walking back and having to deal with this again anyways.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 20, 2017 19:21:50 GMT -8
"Do you think I don't know that!?" he snapped back, quick enough that it surprised even him for a moment. ..Well, he guessed he was rolling with this now. "I can damn sure blame you. I could blame Storm, or mom, or Ilya. But you think I don't know at the end of the day that it's me??" His head was spinning as remaining conscious was starting to take more effort, but his sheer adrenaline and determination right now kept him going.
"Of course I'm the one who's never good enough. Fuck, you all probably would've been better off without me. Even if mom did still favor Ilya at least you would've been the special oldest and not just part of the pair. Mom could've found someone halfway capable to succeed her, Storm may have been able to figure herself out lik a normal teen instead of dealing with so much political bullshit."
He huffed. He'd given this a lot of thought at various points. "It's always been me that's the problem, but when--" He choked on a whimper. "When someone loves me anyway of course I cling. I put all my faith in them and I get let down every single time, but I know it's because I'm too much weight to keep carrying. I know I'm not worth the effort." Not.. every time. There was Jasna. There... might be Mia. 'Give it time,' his brain told him every single day, but until then... until then he could dream.
"But it... it still hurts.." he almost squeaked. "I can't... I can't survive on my own. I need something to cling to. I'd..." He swallowed. "I'd have laid down in the woods and waited to die if I'd been there alone. Jasna is the only thing that..." He shook his head, and sunk a bit deeper into the pillow of his hospital bed.
"I know I'm worthless on my own," he sighed. "But I thought you cared enough to stay with me anyway. It just.. hurt to find out I was wrong."
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 20, 2017 19:50:58 GMT -8
Dasha’s teeth grit yet again. She wanted to cut in, here, there, everywhere. She wanted to call him out on starting a pitty party when he’d just bared fangs at her. She wanted to tell him to suck it up because she could— because she had to in this instance. I don’t want to be the special oldest. I don’t want to be anything to Mom. Maybe at some time in her life, she had wanted it, desperately wanted it, but Dasha was Over It. Always been you? She wanted to dare him to say it again. It’s always about you, you, you…
The last series of words, however, had her exhaling deeply. It’s not about you. It resounded again, but… she guessed from his perspective it was. It was… so frustrating, and she couldn’t even think back to a time par the Gala that had it had been like that. Maybe just… this was How Things Were— and were going to Be. They clearly didn’t see eye to eye, and for as many things as she felt towards him, for him, Dasha was also very aware things had Changed. Well, obviously.
“We’re not the same.” Well, obviously. “I don’t …. I can survive on my own. I don’t need anyone or anything to tell me to live or how to live. I was mauled by a Shadow Pokemon and the only thing running through my head was that I had to survive— for no one but myself.” Dasha took in a slow, shaky breath. “I don’t… understand your feelings.. I can’t imagine just … putting that kind of power in someone else’s hands. I don’t think I can physically do that. It’s not a part of me.”
She’d started to twist the seam of her jacket into a knot. This was… not something she wanted to go into or detail especially right now but. “I didn’t even talk to Alex or Jakob for a while. I didn’t want to be around anyone who knew me at all. I didn’t.. want to be someone known… ” She straightened a bit, not looking directly at Nik. “I didn’t want to be me. I don’t want to be me… not like…” Dasha grimaced and cut herself off. “Ugh this isn’t even about me…” she muttered dryly.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 20, 2017 20:40:23 GMT -8
Obviously indeed. Listening too her he didn't know whether to feel hurt or angry or awed or scared. He just... couldn't even imagine. Just.. Yeah Dasha. Yeah, he knew you had your own stuff to work out, knew he ouldn't 'blame' you, but understanding why you did it didn't change how badly it--
I didn't want to be me. I don't want to be me.
............... Oh.
Seemed she wasn't as above him as he assumed, just more to one side than he realized. His experience with that side wasn't nonexistent, but was still pretty limited, too. He supposed it.. took drive to be at all to want to be someone else. But he liked to think he could... kind of imagine other people's shoes when he needed to, and... yeah. He couldn't fully related, but he thought he had enough to at least kind of understand. He hoped he did.
"It kind of is..." he mumbled. "It's... about him, and how much I'm willing to tell you. Which right now kind of depends on whether my loyalty ultimately falls more to you or Sera. So.." He sighed.
"...For what it's worth. I want you to be you." Erm, maybe not the best way to.. mm. "Not.. in that I want you to be Dasha Laska, but just... you.." Was he maybe... getting a little sappier than usual? Did it just feel that way in his head from the medication? Oh well... "I really can't even imagine being half that confident or.. anything like that. But it's something I admire so much. I always have. I didn't just cling to you because you were stuck with me at birth, you know... You're an amazing, inspiring person, and I love you."
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 20, 2017 21:04:00 GMT -8
Kind of is. Dasha sighed back, a bit drier than Nik had. That was… not what she meant, but she already felt exposed enough to where she just… didn’t even want to bother correcting him at least not right then. Instead, she shifted in her hair. Her legs folded up in front of her, and she leaned over her knees, resting both arms over. One extended outward, the other crossing sideways over that. Her cheek rested on the crossed arm.
Nik’s … attempt at whatever that was made Dasha’s features twitch, and she deflated some at his words follow up words. She… couldn’t quite take those words at face value. Not with… everything else he just said right up before it. It… almost came off as superficial, even, despite how genuine his tone may have been. She just… couldn’t.
“It’s only in specific things, Nik,” she answered after a moment. “I don’t …” she exhaled, deeply again. “I’m confident climbing trees, fishing and hiking, and being able to be myself. It’s not—“ She paused, brow furrowed as she scrambled for words. “I guess dealing with … people...” A weird half-laugh escaped from her. “I can follow orders, give orders, and work like that but… you saw how uncomfortable I was at our birthday… and that’s not an isolated case or anything.” Aside from… Mia, yeah she was an isolated case but still.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 20, 2017 21:47:48 GMT -8
That initial response had him blanching. Not really.. what he was hoping for, was it. Well, this was his fault again, right? He was the one who first snapped, after all.. It was only fair that he didn't get to fix it when he felt like it...
As she went on, though, it started to make a little more sense. "I... think I see..." He didn't want to jump to any conclusions this time, but that sounded a lot more relatable now. "I... like to think I can do the whole professional thing okay. But... you saw how I was at our birthday..?"
He wanted to rub his neck, but his arms felt kind of heavy right now. Oh well. "Sera had plans with Jackass and wouldn't ditch him for me, but.. Otherwise that was the entire roster of people I'm really close to and you saw what a clusterfuck things were at so many points. There are.. a few people I get along with okay and try to hang out with occasionally but it's." He tilted his head back and forth slightly with an 'nn' noise. "I can still probably count the people I'd call 'friends' between both hands, and of those literally Sera is the only one I met within my whole first year in Veria."
He wanted to say something like 'so it's not like I'm much up on you' but worried she'd take it wrong. But if he didn't have some kind of wrap-up it'd just sound like he was rambling about himself and...
A very weak smirk broke out. "Almost like growing up with no regular opportunities for casual socializing will do that to a kid or something, eh? I vote we blame mom."
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 21, 2017 7:56:40 GMT -8
At the mention of the party again, Dsaha’s head bobbled a little. Though some things had since lost their clarity, she was aware of how professing her loneliness had broken over the group like a wave. The sum total of people I’m really close to. Sera is the only one I met within the first year. Her lips pressed together a bit tighter.
What she had been expecting, Dasha didn’t know, but Nik finished up with earned an ugly laugh. Sharp, cynical, pained all at once forced its way out in a shrill giggle. Her eyes stung again, and this time Dasha reached up to rub at them briefly. “There’s a lot of people that already do blame her” she exhaled weakly rubbing the side of her face thereafter. She’d already removed the mess that was her makeup from the Niso incident, and it honestly felt a little weird to have skin on skin without something like foundation in between.
“I learned a lot about the other side of things,” Dasha started not quite sure she even wanted to get into that but here she was. “Before I joined Interpol.” Reaching up a few fingers, she twisted a curl in her hair. “I listened to a lot of supposed rebels and a lot of those on the base level were just scared are just scared. Scared of Mom and other nobles and….” She shook her head a bit. “Of course others aren’t just anything but you get that on both sides.” Blue eyes flicked sideways at Nik. “I don’t … blame Mom for the system crashing to pieces but, I can see why people do.” Did she really not? It was hard to tell even for Dasha.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 21, 2017 18:15:07 GMT -8
Nik startled a lot harder at the sound Dasha made than his body would accurately reflect right now. The words that immediately followed didn't clear anything up, and the first thing to come to mind was people attributing Dasha's sometimes abrasive personality to their mom, followed very quickly by tangent thoughts of 'yo mama' jokes, but wow brain this was not the time.
When she elaborated though...........
I don't wanna talk about this, Nik almost said.
It pissed him off. Filled him with feral rage to hear her defending those-- those-- ...And yet. He knew Alex leaned that way for a while, and it never changed how he felt about her. Orion intended to kill him, but Nik forgave him almost right away. He knew good and well such alignments didn't define people if he let himself think about it, and yet...
Worse still was... "Veria's so stable overall," he said after a bit too long, barely above a whisper. "With no grand caste system, and government involvement either subtle or focused on protecting and serving the community." It was so different than Era. It also worked when Era didn't.
"Mia... has so much power here. Politically and physically. But she's so... We can't go anywhere in Under Liggs where people don't know and love her, not like a celebrity or superior but like... a real friend. She bails people out of jail for petty crimes, would help anyone with almost anything, opens her home to friends in need. She's.." The corner of his mouth twitched up slightly. "An asshole often enough." One brief breath of a laugh followed before he returned to his more somber tone. "But still.. such a pillar of the community. And..."
His stomach churned; his voice cracked a bit. "I have to wonder all the time, if we'd ruled more like that... If I'd ruled more like that..." He took a sharp, staggering breath.
"I.. can't help but imagine that something like Veria is what Rebels really dreamed of, and... on some level, I wish everyone could have it." His mouth clenched a bit as his tone became a bit sharper. "But starting a war wasn't the way to get it."
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 21, 2017 18:32:48 GMT -8
Veria’s so stable overall. It was. It was so much so. So much so that it had nearly been jarring for her when she’d first arrived. People went about their lives so … normally and openly. Even with fucking Niso Konto running around, the fact people felt safe enough to go out on their own without being wrapped up in one organization or another, one side or another, it was…
She snorted briefly as he commented on Mia. She still didn’t like her much (if at all?) and couldn’t grasp what Nik saw in her, but for a moment she could space this out apart from Mia. The leaders here, those in power, were connected to their communities. As Nik spoke, however, Dasha’s eyes glazed over some. ’If I’d ruled more like that…’ She could tell him again that he’d been a teenager thrust into the most dangerous situation in the state, but it’d take away the feeling. Can’t help but imagine that something like Veria is what the Rebels really dreamed of… “Same,” escaped from her in a soft, monotone way. Same.
His last response earned a small snort. “They could have run, could have left the country, could have protested in the streets and hoped something would change…” she paused shifting her gaze away from Nik and out the window. “Could have gotten Interpol involved a lot earlier… There was a lot of ‘could haves’…” She exhaled briefly. “But people like to fight.” That was the other thing she’d learned, understood, reflected on so clearly. Even standard trainer battles were still a fight in this world. People and Pokemon naturally liked it.
Dasha sighed. “I don’t want this country to come apart,” she stated after a moment. “I don’t want law to fail to protect people.” Dasha stared forward. “When I leave this place, I want it to be the same way as when I got here.” Whether leave meant moving or dying, it didn’t matter right then. “That’s what I want, Nik.”
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 21, 2017 19:05:06 GMT -8
Right... Right... but... Nik's gaze moved to the sleeping Mienshao nearby, and he mumbled, "I don't like fighting..." But.. heh. He wasn't a 'people', he was a fairy, right? Apparently. If only.
He felt what she was saying, though. He felt it all so deeply. He just... He wanted to protect everyone he loved. Everyone he loved. Dasha in her work, Sera in her relationship, all the people living their peaceful lives. He wanted to protect everyone and he didn't know how he could do that. There were too many things, too... too many...
Thoughts churned about tumultuously until suddenly... one seemed to surface above the rest. It sounded awful, and yet he couldn't seem to shake it.
Even as he continued to tell himself all the risks and drawbacks, he heard himself asking, "...What if I were to work for you?" Nik, no. "I could step down. Accept my punishment for withholding information this long and free up the time to--..." He hesitated, but then glanced back almost to her, gaze falling to the floor a bit short. "I could.. go on my trip without a problem but then when I get back, go.. undercover, kind of...? See if I could get in his circle. Help keep a leash on him, and... report back to you when I hear plans worth Interpol involvement. Keep you one step ahead of Niso and.. maybe take down his accomplices, too...?" Fuck what was he even saying that sounded so stressful and miserable and he had such a nice life and--
If giving up his own comfort could protect the most people.....
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 21, 2017 19:18:30 GMT -8
Dasha’s lips parted. Step down, accept punishment for withholding information and free up time to go undercover. Keep an eye on Niso. Keep you one step ahead of Niso and maybe take down his accomplices too… A hand raised to her cheek, and vaguely Dasha was aware how it was burning. Embarrassment? Discomfort? Concern? Admiration? No, these things run deeper, and she didn’t even know what one would call them.
Dasha straightened a little, rubbing her eye, and then passively tracing fingers through her hair. “It would help,” she admitted first and foremost. There was no denying that having direct access to Konto’s involvement in anything would be useful. Perhaps it could even lead to an arrest at some point— his accomplices if not Konto directly.
“If you’d be willing to do that, Nik.” Her lips were twitching slightly, unable to settle on a frown, a neutral line, or a smile. I don’t want you to suffer… Or be anywhere Konto but she couldn’t even guarantee the latter, not with what information she’d learned. No, but this… could just as well ruin Nik in other ways. Not that… what she’d already proposed wouldn’t inevitably as well. It was … almost the same just in a different context…. “That would be … really great….” Her voice was small, conflicted.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 21, 2017 19:35:40 GMT -8
He realized when she answered that he'd been hoping.. Some part of him had been hoping she'd fight him. Tell him no, that it was stupid or pointless or that she just wouldn't allow it. But... but if she really thought it would help... If she really wanted him to...
"It... would be a lot of changes..." he almost whimpered now. "B-but.. if it.." He was tearing up and his mouth was starting to want to stop working on him.
She trusts you, some part of him told the rest. If she'd accept this over pressing for her way, she trusts you to handle it. ...Maybe so. That was.. almost reassuring. Almost.
"I'm... really tired..." He breathed out slowly. "Could I... sleep on it for a bit..?" Sleep in general for a bit. "I should.. make some calls sooner than later." To the League, to Mia, to Orion...
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Interpol
PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Dasha Laska on Oct 21, 2017 19:44:44 GMT -8
Dasha’s eyes flashed back to Nik’s. Her features scrunched up, and she wanted to say something but? But she’d already said it. As he breathed out how exhausted he was, Dasha exhaled back. “Yes… you should… definitely rest on it…” she answered much quieter than she intended to.
A moment of silence, and Dasha coughed. “Do …. Do you need anything? Water, blankets—“ She didn’t even really consider that the IV was hydrating Nik enough for days or that there was already blankets on the bed but…. “Can’t promise food but I did see a vending machine in the waiting room.” She wasn’t sure how good this hospital’s food would be but… it was better than nothing. Maybe they could split a Twix or something, heh.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Oct 21, 2017 20:28:19 GMT -8
Nik made a vague throaty sound at her offers. "Just sleep..." ...Weh, he wanted to roll on his side and he couldn't right now. That sucked. Oh well. "You can..." He stifled a yawn, now that he was letting himself really consider sleep. "Stay or I can text you when I wake up... I'm not that.. mm. not that bad and I know you've got work." He'd wait only briefly for a response before passing out.
When Nik woke the first time, it was only for the doctors coming in to check on him and run a few tests. He was starting to develop a fever, and his Ursaring wounds looked a bit worse rather than better than when the bandages had gone on. So he got more cleaning and a heavier dose of antibiotics before being allowed to rest again.
The second time, he woke to nature's call, and found Jasna still passed out and Dasha asleep in the armchair. Not wanting to disturb anyone, he managed to push himself out of bed by himself to make his way to the bathroom. The good news, he guessed, was that when he got back he felt so drained that he all but flopped back on the bed, winding up in a much less ideal but much more momentarily comfortable position to sleep.
He'd wake a few more times for similar reasons for a few minutes at a time, but when he finally woke for real, it was around 4am the next morning. He was surprised to see Dasha still there, and found himself just staring across the room at her for a few minutes. ...She really did care, didn't she? Even when they fought, and even...
She was right that he'd never really stood on his feet. He was put in power thanks to family connections, and then when he became a Gym Leader it was... He did good, but it had always been in his mind kind of an easy way out. It let him put his pre-existing skills to use in a job where he usually had a lot of freedom and didn't have a lot of expectation on a day to day basis. But Dasha... She was so self-reliant, so willing to put herself on the line to protect people. He...
He wanted to be more like her.
But he also didn't want to wake her just now. Pulling his phone over, he saw the time and debated whether to contact anyone yet or just play some games to unwind and kill a little time first. ...Well, he supposed he did know at least one person who was often up at 4am.
-- Hey babe... You still awake? --
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Oct 21, 2017 20:38:02 GMT -8
Dasha had debated staying or going, but at the end of the day, she didn’t want to leave Nik alone. Thus, she’d let Alex know what was up, canceled some things she’d been planning for, and took up just… sort of waiting and trying to relax. Eventually she dozed off, not quite in the most comfortable position but certainly not the worst she’d ever been in.
There was indeed someone else awake at four in the morning, however. Orion had technically been to bed since eight the prior night, but ahahahha what the fuck even was sleep? He’d ended up playing a mindless phone app for several hours before getting up and playing some conventional videogames. When that didn’t help facilitate sleep at all, he’d gone for a walk. Now, though, he was back in bed, curled under the sheets wishing for sleep or death as per usual.
As his phone vibrated, however, Orion blinked a little dazed. Hm? Nik?
-- Yeah I’m up-- -- Can’t sleep either?--
Either that or maybe he was just.. getting up early for some reason or another.
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