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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 6:08:40 GMT -8
Orion didn’t know what he was expecting Nik to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. Going to be trying to get closer to Niso? Niso Konto?? To help Dasha keep an eye on him? What the fuck Nik?? What the fuck? What the fuck? Nik’s words and last attempt at what Orion guessed was a joke was …. Was not Not???
“He’ll fucking hurt you, Nik?!” Orion had no idea why this came off as a question. He had no idea why he was suddenly so panicked, worried, angry all over again. This was Niso Konto who hadn’t even laid a hand on him so long as he assured him he was a fan. This was Niso Konto who apparently had a very bubbly girlfriend. This was Niso Konto who had promised never to kill again—
But this was Niso Konto who could ruin people. By reputation alone, by action alone, by any number of things alone. Combined, he could do so much damage. “Are you trying to get yourself broken? He’s the biggest threat in this fucking region!” And the most psychologically interesting, but that was not the point. “You already went back into Era, are you—“ This was not supposed to be him being mad at Nik. This was supposed to be taking a minute to calm and figure out what to say about what he’d done but— There was very physical and very sterssed concern jumping not his veins, and Orion had no idea what to do with it.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 7:43:02 GMT -8
There was... something guiltily cathartic about having Orion mad at him on behalf of his own safety. That.. sure hadn't been his intent, but now that it was here, well... Man he felt like shit for taking some comfort in it, but defending himself felt more familiar and easy than lashing out, and having the reminder Orion worried about him was very appreciated right now.
"I know..." he sighed. "I know it's stupid. I also... sincerely trust he won't hurt me, at least as long as he and Sera are together, and.." A sound more scoff than laugh escaped him. "It kills me how well they mesh, but I guess... gift horse in the mouth or whatever." His mouth pulled into a grimace. "Anyone else though?" A weak but prolonged shrug followed.
Nik sighed and flopped back against the couch. "I'm just... tired of not being able to do anything. A Gym Leader's-- any leader's job is to protect and serve the people they lead, and I.. guess I helped at the Gala but.. even then those girls only ran because their boss called a retreat and I've had to wonder if we wouldn't have been safer just sitting and waiting."
Hands ran over his face again. "I just... want to help Dasha, and keep Sera safe, and it gave me an excuse to ask if I could stay with you, and..." He forced a weak, pained smile now. "A risk of danger and giving up my fairy king title wasn't enough to outweigh all that."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 8:09:53 GMT -8
I know. If he knew then— “Why,” Orion snapped back seconds before Nik had gone on. So long as he has Sera— That literally was not good enough, not for Orion— Anyone else only exasperated things. Nik’s recounting of the Gala had Orion cringing for entirely too many reasons, only a few of which he were willing to tell and explain in full detail. A risk of danger and giving up his position wasn’t enough to outweigh it. This… stung for reasons Orion couldn’t readily process. He just… sat there for a few seconds without words.
….
Arms moved almost of their own accord, slipping around Nik and holding him sideways tightly. Orion wouldn’t look at him directly but rested his face in his shoulder. He... wanted to say something. Needed to say something. He wanted to be mad, wanted snap back that Nik’s safety was more important, that even if he left the League he shouldn’t get caught up in this mess. He wanted to but… instead he kind of clinging him trying to be gentle but… still clinging.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 8:27:56 GMT -8
Nik flinched as he was touched, then squirmed for a moment before uncomfortably settling. He was... glad Orion wanted to hold him but he didn't want to be touched right now, and just sort of... allowed it. ...No words? You sure? Just.... O..okay...
He sighed. "Do... you understand why I'm pissed?" Did Nik even understand that? Ha... "I really... want this to be a moral issue and.. I am upset about that side too, I swear." Right? Right, yeah. Orion... endangered people who were just doing their jobs, broke in and stole rare tech when he could've gone through proper channels, and... Nik really wanted to be upset about the Mega Evolution and was definitely not at all comfortable with it, but... if what he'd heard was true that it was a lot like-- well, that a trusted partner to guide one through it made it a lot easier and safer anyway... For all Orion's faults Nik wasn't sure he knew anyone who loved their Pokemon so deeply. He could... get a pass on that, at least for now.
"But... It's honestly.. mostly..." He sighed again. "I'm trying to protect the things I love, and you doing this kind of shit especially without telling me is endangering--..." He guessed he could see where that was hypocritical but... "I've got Dasha looking out for me and... I know you'd have jumped to protect me if I got in too deep even before you knew all this. But if you... do stuff like this behind my back, who's looking out for you..."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 8:43:18 GMT -8
Orion felt Nik flinch but couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Did he understand why he was pissed? Yes. Down to the letter. He got it. He knew form the minute he saw Nik’s face. That was obvious, but there were too many mixed feelings that still needed some flat ironing with a firm press of logic. He didn’t want or need to add any extra complications. A weird puff of air escaped from him as Nik spoke, not quite a laugh not quite a bark. Look who’s talking throwing himself out and drawing unnecessary attention. Who’s looking out for you?
That.
That.
Something in Orion squirmed, and he physically fidgeted, letting up off Nik entirely and frowning. Of course, Nik wouldn’t know. Of course, he didn’t know. Of course, Orion himself had ensured these things over and over again of his own accord. Of course, saying it now could only complicate things but.
“I do have a boss looking out for me,” he stated after a moment. Yellow eyes escaped from Nik and settled on an obscure dot on the far wall. “Marce—“ This was… not the way he wanted to go about this, but here he was. “It’s not like that but she cares and would defend me.” Would she? Early in the year Orion would have adamantly believed No she wouldn’t. When had… he …. When had she gotten to him? Fuck, when had she gotten to him???
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 8:56:29 GMT -8
He what? He... had someone he was telling this stuff to? He was... open with someone, relying on someone, but not Nik? That... That should have been a relief that he had some kind of network in place, but it hurt.
Marce-- "Marceline?!" he sputtered.
It's not like that. W-... was that denial too adamant, too quick or unprompted? Perfectly warranted by Nik's unease when he met her? What... He felt... so sick.
"Is..." Nik didn't know if-- Nik didn't want this answer, but he needed it. "Is she just willing to defend you or... does she endorse--" He swallowed and asked with a bit more accusation behind his tone, "Have you been doing shady shit behind my back this entire time?" ...For that matter, while he was intent on making himself upset... "And is it.. not like that because you don't want it to be or because she won't let it be?" There was... quite a difference between 'I don't have that kind of relationship' and 'I don't have those kinds of feelings'...
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 9:08:59 GMT -8
Nik’s sputter had Orion flinching. Fuck. Shit fuck. Shit fucking. Shit. This is what he got for speaking when he was emotional. Fucking shit she was going to kill him. Nik’s quick assessment was too much. No no no no no no. And— The last part should have had him reacting more but it actually caused him to full on stop rather than pause. Yellow eyes blinked for a moment slowly. Teeth grit, and he fumbled for a few extra seconds on other thoughts before looking back at Nik pretty hard.
“She did not have me stealing items from the League,” he answered back. “Or anyone else for that matter. I—“ He paused taking in a sharp breath, knuckles tightening. “I did that on my own.” There was a pause. “She gives freedom and space to do things that I want to do, that I need to do.” When had he started cracking his knuckles? Why were they popping so loudly in his ears? “And it’s not like that because I love you, Arceus damn it.”
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 9:16:43 GMT -8
Nik breathed out, a bit surprised himself at how slow and even it came. "All right," he said simply to the last part. He.. did believe that. He could accept that. "Sorry for asking. I just needed to hear it." He probably needed too much affirmation and reassurance at times, but... heh.
"The rest though..." Where to even start... Oi vey. "What kind of stuff does she 'give you freedom' to do? What do you need to do? Because I've tried my damnedest to give you space, and since I'm your only partner there has to be some reason you trust her to look out for you and not me."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 9:43:31 GMT -8
Orion exhaled loudly. Just needed to hear it. Yeah, well, there you go, Nik. He’d tell it to you the same way every single time until you got it. The rest though— The questions were straightforward enough even if they had him wincing slightly. Exhaling, he sighed and leaned back into the couch.
“Mostly fight,” he answered slowly, quietly. “I just... knock a few teeth out remind a couple idiots to know their place…” He glanced back to Nik again and stared at him pretty hard for a second. “I haven’t killed anyone—or anything.” He beat them, sure, and made it pretty obvious he could kill them but… In practice those people were already more useful alive than dead, and if …. Not then he could just shoo them on. Terror went a long ways. “Most of them are just scum anywyas.” Much like himself, heh.
There was another pause, and Orion looked forward again. Why did he— when did he start trusting Marceline like this? He couldn’t… even really remember but? She always gave him work to do, always filled in where he needed it, and always did so with a smile so….
…
….Why the fuck was his face burning?
No no no no no no no??????
No?????
No????
Orion slapped a hand over his face hard enough for the sound to reverberate in the room. No that wasn’t it, that couldn’t be it.
“It’s….” Oh. Oh. Oh. “She doesn’t— make me have to balance…” he answered after a moment rubbing the side of his face. “Choose between doing things right and…” A sudden weird laugh broke, and he fidgeted at it. “Knowing I’m choosing to do wrong. Just... kind of accepts I'm...”
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 10:05:37 GMT -8
Fighting... wasn't so bad, if he was just.. some glorified bodyguard. A bruiser or almost bouncer type role? Maybe--
.... Wh... what was that face.
What was that slap?? Nik... literally just asked, just got that reassurance, he shouldn't be suspicious again this soon. There had to be some other reason he was turning so red and getting so flustered. Maybe he was just... weirdly embarrassed about this whole topic. For some reason.
"Wha'd'you want from me?" Nik demanded with sudden force, but very much a sincere and non-rhetorical question. "Please, just..." He huffed, grabbing at his own face in frustration hard enough to leave light nail marks.
"Am I supposed to just... ignore you doing dangerous and illegal shit behind my back until it gets you arrested or killed? Or until it escalates to hurting innocent people?" Sure, maybe Orion hadn't since coming back into his life. Maybe it really was 'just' shady assholes who kind of deserved it. But even if that were true, it had only been a few months, and how likely was it that he would eventually or already had dismissed someone unfairly as 'scum' to justify hurting them?
"Or.. what's even the alternative? Give you an ultimatum? Tell you to choose when that's apparently kept you at arm's length from me in the first place?" He frowned deeply. "Break up with you until you get your shit straight? Ignore how much I love being with you when you're not doing this, punish myself wasting time without you, risk you'll never come around and just lose out on everything I wanted us to be?"
He pulled his knees up, and slumped forward to bang his head against them. "I don't... want any of those options," he whimpered, both weaker and more muffled. "So tell me what to do."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 10:39:09 GMT -8
What did he want from him? The demand was so unexpected Orion just stared blankly for a moment. The words that came after stung. Didn’t so much hurt just… stung. Each option just… And he wanted him to choose. So tell me what to do. Tell him… to make a decision. “I can’t stop and won’t stop,” he finally answered. “I don’t— …” Ugh. “It’s just part of me.” A part he didn’t want to give up either. “As much as you want to protect everyone I – I want to fight. I want to move. I want to …” Ugh this was so frustrating. “If I get arrested or killed or even hurt innocent people— those are on my terms. But I..” He fumbled a little. “I don’t want to hurt you with them any more than I already have. I just…..Can’t you just accept me? Even if it puts me in the ground— let me be on my terms.”
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 11:32:37 GMT -8
Some tired, cynical part of him sighed that's fair. Another was fiercely outraged by the very idea. The latter won out for now.
"What about my terms?!" No, that came out too-- Fuck. "Have you met my girlfriend!?" Nik that was the worst thing to say please stop. "Do you think I'd give one flying fuck if needing to fight was all this was? Be a bodyguard! Be that guy who keeps rough customers at bay! Join a boxing or wrestling league! Or a fucking fight club for all I care! Pretty fuckin' sure Mia knows a few. You can go fight each other!" What? Oh right there was still that whole thing he'd neglected to ever bring up with her directly and was still kind of bitter about her doing behind his back but at least that had some structure to it.
"You know good and well how fucking uncomfortable violence makes me but I am willing to give you a LOT of ground here if you just--" He bit his tongue, swallowed, and forced himself to sound a bit calmer before continuing. "All I'm asking for is a little discretion in what outlets you pick for this and to just... Why can't your terms account for...?!"
He had.. sounded calmer briefly, but he was very not-calm. He was overstimulated as fuck and wanted to scream or just-- just-- Fuck it he was moving one way or another. Nik rapidly stood, spun to move next to the couch, and punched the wall hard enough to dent it.
...Ow.
Well that vented a lot of stress, and now he breathed out slowly, head hung, voice weak again. "Do you just.. not care if you leave me alone...? Is... never compromising your freedom or impulse even slightly really more important to you than being able to stay with me...?"
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 11:48:22 GMT -8
Orion flinched. Every word Nik used had him wincing. Even as Nik tried to sound calmer, Orion wouldn’t take it that way. A little discretion? Why can’t his terms account for— Why indeed. Why did he always have to just…. Orion didn’t have time to think about it further. Nik had already stood, however, and the punch to the wall had Orion fidgeting. Fight. Yeah, no, brain calm down. Nik was just— He probably doesn’t have emergency plaster here— oh lol yeah true probably not.
Nik’s quiet words, weaker words, had Orion grimacing a little. “I…” The resounding yes that he felt from so deep inside was jarring. Never compromise it, ever. And yet he went out of his way to establish tie downs, to have someone in control over him at least most of the time. He took orders, followed a lot of rules, he— That wasn’t it, and he knew that. He… he did not want to lose Nik, did not want to lose this. He didn’t want to give up what made him feel alive without even trying. He just….
“Maybe we should break up.”
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Nov 11, 2017 12:06:40 GMT -8
An ugly, almost-shrill laugh erupted from Nik's throat before he knew what he was doing. "Fucking probably???" He answered almost immediately. "Yeah. If I don't mean any more to you than that, we really fucking should." This was... all his fears, wasn't it? Never being enough. Always being left eventually. Losing everyone and everything he loved. And that was his typical approach, wasn't it? Cut it short. Don't get more invested than necessary, minimize the pain of it ending by going ahead and getting it over with.
But...
"But I don't fucking wanna." Maybe that was just... petty and immature of him.
The... absolute stupidest thought occurred to him and elicited a bitter laugh. What, was he gonna make this conversation worse at this point? Doubtful, lol. "You know my ex is dating Nolan's son now?" he asked with a sudden flippancy to his tone. "Fucking. Crown Prince Orion." The look he gave Orion was so forced and natural at the same time, some sort of pained smirk-sneer. "I spent all week insisting my Orion is better than her Orion, and now you wanna make a liar out of me. What kind of bullshit is that."
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AZOTH
‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars The fear of falling apart |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Jayspurr
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Post by Orion Alim-Verdi on Nov 11, 2017 12:20:15 GMT -8
Orion grimaced. The immediateness of Nik’s answer coupled with the words that came after was more jagged than he’d realized it could be. But what came after forced a sharp sound from Orion, not a laugh not a note of disdain but something weirdly mixed and contorted. “You don’t fucking wanna?” he reiterated with a same tone Nik had used. What came after had his eyebrows furrowing before relaxing as his eyes rolled. Spent all week insisting he was better than a prince? Arceus fuck Nik. What kind of bullshit was that.
“I am worse than some prim proper Prince of Era. I’m trash Nik,” he snapped back. “You know this. I know this. My mom knows this. You found me outside in a dumpster with a knife in my hand. Hell, you were lying right out of your ass by comparing me to a prince! That’s on you!” he spat momentarily before slamming a fist down on the arm of the couch. “So don’t be blaming me for your shitty bets!”
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