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I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 2, 2018 2:02:10 GMT -8
Nik flat out rolled his eyes. Smiling, but still. "Duuuuuuuuuuude. We went over this. I dealt with being lonely or detached or quickly abandoned or straight-up got the crap beat out of me until I was twenty-two. And like? Honestly even with Storm, even with as relieved as I was to get away, I missed her. You've had this idea in your head for so long that Luke is irreplaceable that of course your brain's gonna fight if you tell it otherwise. Just like no matter how much I knew Storm was bad for me it was hard to entirely break away from three years of telling myself I'd still spend my life with her." Not that he was saying Luke was Storm level bad, but? Jazz knew he'd recently seen her and started working on reconciling, too. So he hoped the emphasis would be clearly enough on just the mental dissonance inherently creating pain.
"And fuck... look at Ri'? I guess he was pretty serious with some guy at one point but that clearly didn't work out given all the shit he was doing until he came here. He's twenty-six and only finally settling into a nice life." Nik moved a bit closer and nudged him as they walked. "You're still a kid. I mean hell I'm still a kid. So like? Seriously do yourself a favor and let yourself be one. You don't have to be able to see your whole future right now, and just because something hurts or feels scary right now doesn't mean it always will." He stopped and reached out to clap a hand down on top of Jazz's hair, ruffling it hard, or at least as well as he could with its length. "Just focus on what's in front of you and try to have fun with it, eh~?" Nik flashed him a teasing grin.
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Jan 2, 2018 2:33:56 GMT -8
Jazz saw the eye roll and blinked, not quite sure what that was about but... ok? Well, alright the reply did make a bit more sense. Actually, a lot of sense. Why hadn't he thought of that before? He'd been pretty much idolizing Luke for so long that now... to have his feelings be affirmed and then pointedly torn apart just... hurt. Not being with him hurt, but how much of that was still his fault. It was his brain's fault then, huh? Hearing about Orion's other boyfriend was news to Jazz but... well, he hadn't really asked about his life in prison either. Nik put it in a way that even had Jazz grinning. Yeah, ok.... fine, maybe he really should cut himself some slack. Jazz was almost defensive about being called a kid but then Nik called himself one which had him snickering a bit. Nik was right, in all the chaos he'd forgotten how to be a kid somewhere along the line. Why was that? Maybe it was because he'd had to grow up much too quickly with the constant chaos around him. Then Nik started ruffling his hair and Jazz couldn't help but laugh. It didn't really do much to mess it up considering but he was smiling now at least. "Yeah, yer right. Guess I forgot how to be one somewhere along the line. Not much of a chance to lately. Been too much goin' on to say the least. That and 's kinda hard to have fun when ya feel like shit. Jis need to give myself sum slack too I s'ppose."
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 2, 2018 2:46:43 GMT -8
A deep but gentle chuckle emanated from Nik. "I hear ya. Like.. Not sure if you knew but I'm bipolar? Dealt with depression for most of my life, and the rarer manic episodes aren't all they're cracked up to be either. Sometimes the worse ones make me feel even more like shit, believe it or not." A single sharp note of laughter followed. Ahh... there was the edge of the platform just ahead, huh? "Feel just as useless but instead of listless and tired I'm tense as fuck with all kinds of energy I can't seem to use. Sucks balls dude."
Nik stopped as they approached the inner layer of railing around the edge, gesturing out to the ocean with a sweeping motion. Just past the railing was a few more feet of platform a little lower, then another rail, as if they very much anticipated people doing what Nik would next: sitting on the edge and resting his arms on the railing while dangling his legs over that safety buffer. "But yeah. Eventually you just start learning to do what you can when you can. There are still days I wake up next to the love of my life and wonder what the point of getting out of bed is, but being able to answer myself with reasons even when it's hard to accept them really helps."
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Jan 2, 2018 3:06:40 GMT -8
As Nik chuckled, Jazz grinned a bit more until he went on to explain about being bipolar. Shit. That sounded like hell. Jazz had dealt with depression off and on enough to know it sucked. He would've said something about that, about how he could relate to some degree but well... then Nik had to go and say that. Snickering a bit, Jazz just couldn't pass up the opportunity. "Nah, not feeling it. Maybe later~," he practically purred, grinning mischievously as if it wasn't clear enough he was teasing. Then they saw the ocean and just stopped and stared. It was beautiful here, that was for sure. Man, the ocean was so close to. He could probably vault the railings with little problem and reach it but... well, Nik might not and Jazz was enjoying their talk. Still, climbing on the railing was harmless enough considering that was what Nik was doing anyway. "Yeah, I feel ya. I have days like that. Usually ends with Kovu or Marshmallow dragging my ass out of bed though." A soft laugh hit the air at that before he shook his head, smiling a bit more. "Mostly, I wanna be useful. Someone my Mom kin be proud of. If I can help people, if I can make a difference... that's worth living for, yunno? I'm more excited about making Mia's arm than anything else precisely for that reason. 's more than I've had in a while."
ulla
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 5, 2018 2:23:15 GMT -8
--Pffft, Nik quirked a brow at that mild dirty joke, but let it slide (this time). For now, he'd take it as testament to Jazz getting more comfortable around him if anything.
He snorted a bit as well at the idea of Jazz being literally dragged. Kovu was easy to picture, but being dragged by Marshmallow sounded like a sight to see. Or just Hyper Voice him out of bed. Fus ro dah anyone? Ehehehe.
But then he went on and-- I wanna be useful. ... Oh??? Oh the feelings he described-- and didn't say but still conveyed-- here were so...? Nik could relate so much, but also wasn't quite the same. Jazz sounded like he wanted to be doing things as much as he could, where Nik more.. needed to feel like he was valued as part of someone else's life, and wanted to protect those people with everything he was. But it was still so similar, and if anything Jazz's was more endearing and kind of inspiring and--
And... Nik didn't really have words, and just sort of... uh... well actually the time it took him to stand back up let him think a bit more about his impulse versus just acting on it, so as he got back to his feet he asked, "Can uh... Do you mind if I hug you?"
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Jan 6, 2018 13:07:01 GMT -8
Nik's motions had Jazz looking back over at him, quirking an eyebrow. Eh? Were they leaving already? Ok then, no big deal. Swinging his legs back over the railing, Jazz jumped down at about the same time Nik asked if he could hug them. "Uhm, yeah? Sure." Jazz replied in confusion. Where had that come from? He didn't exactly know and it wasn't like he'd said anything weird, right? Ah, maybe he had just been rambling without thinking of what he was saying. Either way, Jazz would open his arms a bit. The hug felt a bit awkward at first but he relaxed after a bit. He...still wasn't fully comfortable with this, but it's not like it would be for that long, right?
ulla
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Jan 7, 2018 2:14:23 GMT -8
It... it was probably for maybe kind of a little bit way too long. Part of his brain swore it was just meant to be a quick friendly 'I appreciate you' hug, but... Wow Nik was still just kind of overwhelmed with how much that whole 'be useful' thing resonated with him and...? Jazz was... so good?
So rather than a light pat on the back or the like, he'd wind up wrapping Jazz's smaller frame a little too tightly in his arms, chin brushing against Jazz's slightly taller shoulder. He really didn't mean to pet his hair a bit but apparently that was gonna be a thing too. "You are such a good kid," he murmured finally.
As he pulled back, he added, "I'm.. really glad Ri's got someone like you in-.." Heh, no it was more.. "I'm glad you're in our life."
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Jan 9, 2018 0:41:25 GMT -8
Jazz had expected the hug to be all of two seconds... if that but... The longer the hug lasted, the more awkward and flustered he became. Nik was cool but??? This was... not really ok? It was actually kinda hard to breathe now? Fffff, no Nik, don't pet him thiswasnotoknope. Nik's first sentence though actually had him tearing up? This time Jazz was the one clinging a bit tighter to Nik. Out of all the things he'd expected, this was not one of them. As soon as Nik let go, Jazz shoved his hands in his hoodie and kicked at the ground a bit, trying to ignore how hot his face felt. It was nothing, just... warm out today, that was all, yeah. He was just starting to calm down a bit when Nik spoke up again. What...? How? Why? Stunned, Jazz stared at Nik for a few moments, heat returning to his features yet again. That was... Huh? No he wasn't tearing up again, there was dust in his eyes. That was all. Roughly wiping the annoying not-tears away, Jazz smiled at Nik some. "I... said it once but... 'rion's lucky to have ya. 'n 'm lucky... to call ya a friend. Though, gotta admit, dunno how ya got 'good kid' after all the shit 've done." Yeah, ok, he was still feeling a bit awkward about that hug. A bit of distance was nice now and just... yeah. Maybe not do that again soon. Not if that was Nik's definition of a hug at any rate.
ulla
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