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I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 3, 2017 19:30:18 GMT -8
Nik... couldn't help himself, and outright snortlaughed when Jazz offered to help with payment. "Think you coulda offered before Ri' went out and sold his health for prize money?" he almost barked, but somehow he was sincerely amused. Heading downstairs, he answered more seriously, "Honestly though. If you've got a nest egg tucked away and really want to I wouldn't complain, but if the difference in later costs it would make would be negligible you may as well save your funds and then maybe just split monthly payments with us moving forward. Can be your rent, heh."
He headed out the back door, then, waiting for Jazz and Lucy before locking it behind them. Gesturing to the back yard once they were out, he noted, "I wanna set a bunch of the props from my Gym up back here for the Pokemon to climb and relax on~"
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 3, 2017 21:51:22 GMT -8
Jazz couldn't help but laugh at Nik's next words and shook his head, holding his hands up in surrender. " 'ey, last I checked yal never asked me to help?"Jazz stated, still snickering a little. As Nik continued on, explaining the different ways he could help out, Jazz nodded and grinned a little. "I'll talk with 'rion first. He may not want me helping fer some reason. Dunno why 'e wouldn't but who knows. Besides, I didn't offer right away cuz... well, I thought Luke wouldn't mind staying over 'r vice versa,"Jazz explained, his voice growing quieter at the last sentence. Thankfully they were already moving on and Nik was motioning to the backyard. Props huh? Well, he hadn't exactly seen Nik's props from his gym before but given what he knew of what his theme had been. Heh, it could look nice. "So... a literal jungle gym?"Jazz snickered, smirking a bit, "It sounds neat, you guys really thought this through, huh. Can't wait to see the sunset 'r sunrise here. Getting away from Sinclair could be good, yunno? Ya sure ya don't mind me staying 'ere?" he continued, looking back at Nik as he spoke. It almost felt like he was intruding on them just because his plans hadn't panned out and... well, he didn't want Nik or Orion resenting him for whatever reason.
ulla
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 4, 2017 4:55:39 GMT -8
Ah... He was sure Luke would come up eventually, but he made himself not jump on it just yet. Best not to seem like he was just waiting for it, even if that was partially true.
He cracked a smirk at the jungle gym line. "Damn right." He guessed actually he should start seeing what all would fit since it wasn't quiiite as much space as he'd been hoping for, and then maybe he could sell a few of the less sturdy or less aesthetic pieces or some of the ones he had quite a few similar to or actual copies of. ...Ehehe, he wondered if there was a local park that would buy them, so he could have the money and still get a look at them every now and then. He'd definitely look into that, and hopefully downsize that inventory just enough to be more practical and give them some extra Christmas money. Good, good.
"It's a bit harder at street level, but up from the second floor balcony you can see the ocean off the edge of the platform a few blocks that way." He nodded the direction. "Not the greatest or most breathtaking, but it's still nice." Enough that Orion appreciated it, which was what was important.
Ya sure you don't mind me staying 'ere? Ah... Nik glanced around, then moved to sit down on the step of the back porch. "Here's the thing. I love Orion. And 'love at first sight' is a really stupid concept, especially when sometimes it takes active effort to say 'no, this bothers me but I don't want to let it enough to hurt us. I don't need to get everything I want to be happy; let's figure out the bare minimum I need to be okay as long as you're still here.' I'm not okay with how he got this extra money, but we talked about it and as long as I both feel he really understands why and know that he knows I'm still grateful and appreciate the intent, I'll get by. But even if not exactly 'love' at first sight, I've known since I met him that he was someone I wanted to be around, and that's never gone away. He means the world to me."
Yah... Yeah he was rambling. Ah, get to the point here Nik, right. He took a deep breath. "So no, moving in with someone I barely know isn't my ideal? But..." He offered Jazz a nervous smile. "I wanna spend my life with him. I might... marryhimsomeday..." His face burned through that mumble. Maybe. He didn't know yet. It sort of depended on a lot of stuff but... "But so, the fact is... ... You're family? You're important to him, so.. You're important to me. So if I can help take care of you, I wanna."
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 4, 2017 12:24:23 GMT -8
Jazz grinned when Nik took the joke well and tried to imagine what it would've been like if the props were set up. It would be nice, a place to call home certainly. That was the entire point, wasn't it? To have a home not just a house. A nod would be given as Nik explained about the view of the ocean. He'd have to check that out sometime or maybe see if there was enough time to walk down there later depending. Still, this was Nik and Orion's home and Jazz couldn't help but feeling like he was intruding in some way. Nik's reaction to the question didn't really bode well, at least initially. I knew it. He was intruding by just being here, wasn't he? Sitting down next to Nik, Jazz didn't know what he expected to hear but... a rant about how much he loved Orion and what he meant to Nik certainly wasn't it. It was... nice hearing it though, especially after what happened last night. Some people could've just called it quits and walked away after that. Nik wasn't like that though... he could tell that much just by the way he talked about Orion. He would've said something after that, would've said how lucky Orion was to have someone like Nik. Someone that accepted him despite his faults and even loved him for it. But... the next words that followed had Jazz swallowing hard. Looking at Nik, Jazz smirked a bit when he saw the blush and heard that murmur. The last words however had Jazz tearing up some. He... hadn't expected that? Hadn't expected Nik to care? It somehow made it hard to breathe and Jazz wasn't even sure he could say anything after that. For a few moments, Jazz remained silent, feeling overwhelmed from everything that he'd heard and how much he wished he could have something like that. "He's lucky to have you..."Jazz finally murmured, looking away from Nik as he spoke, "Thank you... I- I mean it," he continued, giving him a somewhat shaky smile. Arceus why did he have to be so emotional? It just... the words meant so much? Even if he didn't know Nik that well, to hear someone else tell him that he was important? Jazz didn't realize how much he needed to hear that. Even if he was still a fucked up mess.
ulla
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 4, 2017 13:26:42 GMT -8
Nik tried to force a weak smile of his own out of habit until he realized Jazz wasn't looking anyway so there wasn't much point, heh... Letting himself drop to something more neutral and averting his own gaze, he'd tell him, "I'm... really sorry it's taken us this long to sit down and talk... I'm just?" A small hiff of air in the back of his throat almost qualified as a laugh. "Not really into small talk or keen on trying to make solid first impressions. How was your day, how's the weather, I can't, ya know?" Heh. Clearly just... putting it off indefinitely was a good idea and not going to in turn give the impression he was a callous prick or anything, right? Haha...
"Outside of common interests, I just.. wanna talk about more serious stuff. Politics or passions or daily struggles. Can't really walk up to a casual acquaintance and be like, 'Hey pal! Any mental health issues today? This manic episode's got me alternating between energetic and irritable but I did get some chores done so I'll take it over depression~'" A few mildly dramatic gestures and expressions accompanied his mocking tone there. "...Ah, reminds me I got side-tracked but you mentioned insomnia earlier. I don't tend to have that but maybe mildly in random bursts; my sleep issue's more trouble keeping a cycle. But? Heh. Kinda my point, right? This isn't something people just casually discuss so you wouldn't have known."
And that sucked? Like.. On one hand, he wished people could just be open about this sort of shit all the time. On the other, sorry you must be at least a Level 5 friend to unlock Nik's trust with that kind of info, ha. Or, well, Level 5 friend or have the Commiseration feat. Seeing someone with a similar issue always made him wanna relate, so there was that.
"Any chance we could just kinda... skip all the awkward Getting To Know You pleasantries and jump right to serious talk...?" he asked, not too hopeful but still really hoping Jazz would agree. "Like... any chance I could ask what about last night made you run for a knife..?"
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 4, 2017 20:11:02 GMT -8
Jazz didn't know what he was expecting after that but as Nik began to speak, he could feel his throat close up more. Really, Jazz couldn't blame him for not talking to him sooner. He could relate on the small talk though, last time he'd tried to go out and socialize with strangers had been a complete disaster. Kovu had helped get through that ordeal but... he hadn't volunteered to meet any other new people since then. As far as first impressions went, Jazz didn't really care about those and well... Nik had earned his respect, especially with how obvious it was how much he cared for Orion. He would've said how he could relate to that and understood why they hadn't talked sooner but Nik went on after that. I wanna talk about more serious stuff. Right. So that was why Nik wanted him out of the apartment. The way he described that awkward scenario though earned a soft chuckle before he looked back at Nik. Then the discussion went back to his insomnia and how Nik could relate to a point. At this point, Jazz was pretty sure it was genetic considering Orion had it too but it was kinda nice that Nik understood the struggle. The question that was posed after that though had Jazz looking away again. There was a knot in his throat and he couldn't seem to talk worth anything. He thought about possibly bringing out Kovu but... that probably wouldn't be the best idea considering how demanding he could be about attention. Jazz took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say to that. To be honest, he really didn't want to talk about it. Orion knew, he would understand what had triggered him but... This was Nik asking and somehow... somehow Jazz wanted to tell him? Just, to have someone else that wanted to help? How rare was that? Sighing, Jazz ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the ground. Well... might as well get this over with. "Because I'm a fucked up, miserable piece of trash that nobody wants,"Jazz blurted out, his voice shaking a little, "Because it hurt so much and I just wanted it to stop. Because I try so hard and it's never good enough. Because the one person I care about more than anything told me they regretted saying they liked me. Because I see you and 'rion and can't bear it because I'll never have that."
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 4, 2017 21:37:20 GMT -8
What exactly was Nik supposed to say to all that... Ah... He supposed.. it was about what he expected though, wasn't it? Not the details; if he knew those he wouldn't have had to ask. But about that level of misery and self-loathing.
He breathed in slow and deep, and exhaled just as slowly. "I see," he'd answer simply at first. He let it settle in the air a moment, then asked, "Mind if I share some story time?" It wasn't really asking permission so much as trying to be polite, but.. heh.
"When I was 14, I was obsessively in love. You might remember that, heh." Jazz was... 11 at the time, or so? And Nik only met her/him a few times in passing back then, but yeah. "He left me, just stopped talking to me completely, and shattered my heart. He wasn't just my first love. He was the first person outside my family I ever felt connected to in general. My first real friend who wasn't pretty much obligated to put up with me." There were kids and adults he'd 'gotten along' with, sure, but... No one really cared. No one kept in touch or wanted to know how he felt. To them, he was just The Laska Boy, not Nikolai.
"I wouldn't feel anything close to that until I was 18. And in the meantime? Both my pseudo-siblings drifted away, and my own twin got so fed up with our mom that she left the whole family. I wasn't good enough for her to even write home to for long, and if I didn't hear about her once in a while from other people I would've assumed she was dead for a long time.." His voice was.. growing a bit weaker as he got more into these old feelings, and a shiver ran through him.
"When I met Storm, it was.. nothing like Orion, but we got along. We kind of had to since our parents set us up, but she was funny, and interesting, and beautiful, and I thought... Yeah, I can be fine with this. But rebel shit happened, and stress happened, and we brought out the worst in each other. We both.. would up being abusive as fuck in our own ways. She'd beat me to hell when I'd piss her off, and reminded me damn near every day what worthless trash I was." He forced a bitter smile. "Not like, through actions or implications, but directly, 'why are you such a fuck-up', 'why can't you handle the simplest task', 'shouldn't you have this done already, are you even trying'." He... always preferred her just getting violent... heh...?
"I didn't get away from that until we had to flee the rebel attacks to come to Veria. Got a few of my dearest Pokemon killed in the process and barely had time to grieve for them, so.. that was a thing, too. But then when we got here...?" He'd maintain a forced smile for a few seconds, then drop it and sigh, staring at the ground.
"I had nothing. We were safe, though by 'we' I only mean mom, dad, and Ilya. Dad was as distant as ever, Ilya was still mom's fave, and I had no sense of who I was and nothing tying me down anymore. I wandered around for a few months feeling like a ghost and kind of..." He shifted both in body and tone. "Well, no 'kind of'. I wanted to die. I was 21, and I thought about it a lot." How he'd do it, what would be the most painless, what he'd write to mom if he did it.
"By luck or grace of God, I made one friend. Just the one. One ridiculous pink-haired girl who refused to leave me alone however I pushed her away." He laughed weakly, but genuinely. "She gave me something. Even so little, but I had some sort of anchor again. Just.. anything at all to live for." Another small laugh followed.
"We have been through... a lot of ups and downs. We went from seeing each other every few months, to.. being fuckbuddies for a while. At one point it wasn't weird for her to stay at my place three or four nights a week. And then we stopped talking almost completely after a falling out, and now we're... getting better, and maybe some light kisses sometimes are okay. It's been... weird and stressful, but I was still lucky to meet her." He still didn't know if he would have made it if he hadn't, and Arceus knew he was glad he did.
"But after all that, I met a girl who..." He softly beamed. "She shines like the sun itself. The most incredible, fierce, silly, passionate, confident, drop-dead gorgeous girl in the world. Who somehow shared my shitty taste in movies and sense of humor, and managed to put up with me through all my shit. I fell in love, knowing good and well she wasn't attracted to men and was gonna see me as one no matter how I identify." One corner of his mouth twitched. "But... against all odds, she fell for me anyway...?" He let out an almost confused quiet laugh.
"And if that wasn't flipping the script on my life hard enough, my precious first love came back into my life, and somehow fell for me again." Ah... now he was tearing up. Good job Nik. "And I finally started making friends, and my twin and sibs came back into my life, and now I'm moving into a real house with a man I adore...♥"
He wiped his eyes before the tears could fall from them. "I went from being a lonely miserable piece of garbage who wanted to die to having multiple people who I know genuinely love me over the course of two years, and most of it just in the second year." He did his best to smile at Jazz. "You're.. 20 now, I think? I know how hard it is, kiddo. But you've gotta trust me and hang in there. I promise you things can get better.
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 4, 2017 23:29:19 GMT -8
Somewhere along the line, Jazz had pulled his knees up to his chest. His nails were digging into his skin uncomfortably but frankly he didn't care. Then Nik started speaking and at first Jazz didn't really care. He knew some of what he explained already, how in love he was with Orion at the time. Back then, Jazz hadn't really paid attention or cared but he'd been happy back then. The story Nik mapped out sounded so similar to his in many ways. When Nik described Storm, Jazz couldn't barely muffle the sob that escaped him. Not because he was sad about what had happened but because it hit way too close to home. How long had it been? Why couldn't he be over this already? Nik's escape from Veria was so similar to his... except Nik had at least had his family, sort of. Jazz had managed to alienate his and even though things were better now, some part of him still questioned a lot of the things he still did. Namely if they were even proud of what he was doing, of what he accomplished. Nik's one friend though... it reminded him so much of what Luke had been to him, of what he still meant even after everything that had happened. Still... Jazz could relate to what Nik was saying and that helped a hell of a lot more than he thought it would. The last thing Nik said, about things getting better... Jazz wasn't entirely sure he believed it but heh. It gets better, huh?" Jazz repeated quietly, roughly wiping the tears from his eyes. "Would you believe that my hell started when I was thirteen?"Jazz murmured, sitting up a little to at least glance at Nik, "My dad was killed by rebels and Orion was sent to jail, all in the span of a week. Mom... she didn't help. She wanted me to be the perfect princess, to dress up and like the things she liked. Mom wanted a daughter and I couldn't give her that. It wasn't me, it never was. I was alone in every sense of the word and I ran away from home shortly after that." A deep breath was taken as Jazz pointedly looked anywhere else but at Nik. "I was almost robbed my first night. Ended up being saved by a rival gang who was impressed I stood my ground. They took me in... and for a long time, they were my family. I loved every minute of it, even if I got beat up every day trying to keep up with them. Luke... he took care of me back then, he didn't like how much I got hurt but he was there for me. He understood how much I wanted to belong to... to something greater than myself. I guess my crush on him started back then. His dad and my aunt were great. They encouraged me in ways I never got from Mom. I guess they were like my surrogate family,"Jazz explained, laughing a little despite himself. "I had a lot of firsts in the gang. First tattoo, first kiss, first love... So many, many good things. I was happy, I could belong somewhere and not worry about pretending to be something I wasn't like with Mom. Who cared if the price I had to pay was getting a little beat up now and then? Well, more than that... I have the scars to prove that I got in heaps of trouble but I didn't really care." Jazz's eyes grew distant as he remembered how it used to be, how much he had enjoyed it. "Then... new leaders took over and the gang became more than a group of kids having fun and doing stupid things. It was dangerous and... I get the feeling that they were affiliated with the Rebels. The things we did started to get harder and I fought back against it. The Rebels had killed my dad?! I didn't want to hurt anyone? I even... saved some people, I tried. Got beat to hell for it, but I tried. I even tried to convince my boyfriend to leave with me. To fight back against the horrible things they were doing. He... he didn't. He chose them and... they made him watch as I was punished for refusing to listen." Tears were blinding him and his voice wavered, unable to contain the emotion behind his words. "I ran. I hid in Luke's greenhouse for weeks, getting high and surviving off of the fruit that grew there. When Luke finally found me, I begged him not to tell anyone. Refused to drag him into my mess too. I was hiding because they had threatened my family. Everyone. If they found me, they could force me hurt people. Even to kill them. I never did that. I never could. Somewhere along the line, I grew to love Luke. Maybe because he was always there, I could talk to him like I could nobody else. He knows everything, even more than Orion," Ugh, why was he saying this? Why did he feel the need to tell Nik just how fucked up he was? "Eventually Luke got the truth out of me and he called Orion. Orion cleaned up my mess. He got me out of Veria, told the family to move to Alola where they would be safe. You know what my Mom did? She got married in the middle of this mess to a stepfather who hates me. I don't know what she saw in the jackass but... I have a kid brother now, Vincent. For a while, it felt like I was replaced, like I couldn't do anything right. It was my fault they had to move. Because I fucked up and wanted to belong. Because I'm trash that can't do anything right." A bitter half-laugh escaped him and he shook his head. There was no escaping what he'd done, no matter how many miles away he was. "Orion and I travelled a lot after that. Never setting down roots. I was fucked up and... well, I still can't cope well. It's easier to tell you what I didn't do to escape. Drugs, alcohol, cutting, sex... anything to stop the pain from eating me alive." A breath would be taken as Jazz pushed up her sleeves, revealing both arms covered with XXX marks, most of them old. "I kept doing it because it's at least something better than hurting all the time. It's something I can control."Sleeves would be rolled back up before Jazz took another breath, trying to figure out how to explain what happened next. "Then, we finally settled in Veria and everything seemed to fall into place. Orion got a job, I got a job on the train and I love it so much. I get to do something I enjoy and then... then Luke came to Veria too and stuck around. I've gotten to know him better and yes, I still love him. More than I know what to do with and that hurts. Luke even came up with the cookie and I can't even begin to tell you how much happier I am because of it. Like I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not anymore." A scoffing laugh would be heard after that before Jazz shook his head. "I should've known it was too good to be true. I should've known that, maybe I wouldn't be so hurt now. You met the Nihilego, you saw what it made Luke. Would you believe that it possessed me first? Fuck if the thing didn't ask me what my deepest desires were. I have so many regrets, so many things I want. But... it had taken hold of Luke first and I-... I acted without thinking. I begged it to let him go. I couldn't lose Luke too. I've lost so many things already, I couldn't lose him. The Nihilego felt my desire to protect Luke, it fed on my feelings and well... yandere fighting machine is the easiest way I can describe what I almost became. Luke yelled at me, told me to stop putting the person I love in danger. Short version? Luke coaxed Nilly off me and we talked later. It... it ended with Luke kissing me and... Fuck, I wish he hadn't. I wish he hadn't said anything. I wouldn't have done anything more but stay by his side! I wouldn't be hurting this much!" A sob wracked his frame as hands reached up to grab fistfuls of hair. Jazz just wanted to stop feeling, to stop hurting like this but... he couldn't. He couldn't change the past, couldn't change what he'd done. Everything was his fault and he hated it. "The night Orion told me you were moving in together, he suggested Luke and I room together. I thought it was a good idea and... I can't trust Nilly. I refuse to. When I was fused, Nilly trapped me and I was terrified Luke would experience that. I told him that, even brought up moving in together. He... doesn't want it. I was the one that asked if he wanted to be friends. I brought it up. He said a relationship was complicated. That being friends was easier. How the hell is this any easier? After I tried so hard to do what he said. I tried to stop putting myself down, tried to stop hurting myself. That night... I almost broke the promise I made him. I almost... I'm a stupid fuck up, and I don't see how this can get any better."
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 5, 2017 4:42:52 GMT -8
There were a lot of times Nik wanted to interject, to ask more about something, or insist something didn't have to be all bad, or whatever else. But Jazz had let him spill his whole long monologue without interruption, so he gave him the same liberty in turn, doing his best to stay completely neutral... although his lungs would convulse once slightly at the word 'yandere'. He was 112% sure there were ways to convey that idea just as easily without sounding like a fucking dweeb but here they were with Jazz somehow managing to slip a vague reason to be endeared into his tragic backstory so.
When it seemed like he was finally done for now, Nik took a deep breath, a little extra time to process and for Jazz to go on if he thought of more he wanted to get out just now. When he made it to the end of that exhale and Jazz was still quiet, he'd finally respond. "Veria's peaceful. You have a job you love, multiple options for a stable home life, and at least a small family that loves you." After a brief moment of hesitation, he'd slip an arm around Jazz's shoulder. "And that family's slowly growing..." he assured him. "Things are already getting a lot better."
It... felt more organic to jump to a different thing next, but that also sounded best as a 'wrapping up' point so he'd interject some other thoughts here first he guessed. "Regarding your other growing family, just.. try not to hold it against your mom too much? Dasha hates my girlfriend and I'm pretty sure she'd like to stab Rion sometimes, and I can understand why from her perspective. But they're both good for me.." He nodded slowly. "And actually, maybe... if you're lucky, maybe your stepdad just doesn't know you. Maybe all he sees is the bad choices that hurt your mom when you were younger, and living well wouldn't just be the best revenge but a path to reconciliation? Like... show them you're getting better and maybe they'll grow to forgive and respect you. But if not? Screw 'em, you don't need 'em. Just.. be happy for them if they're good for each other and then ignore them. You know?" Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind, he thought, but that might be a little cheesy to say aloud even for him, heh.
"...As for Luke..." He slowly rubbed Jazz's shoulder a few times before returning his hands to his lap, and forcing a small smile. "I could be wrong, and things could be totally different, but... To me, based on this and how close I know he and Rion have always been, he kinda... sounds like my Alex." He reached up, rubbing the back of his neck and eventually shifting to fidgeting with his hair. "Kinda.. skimmed over her. Him, they go by both now, but I thought of them as a girl growing up so it's easiest to refer to back then like that," he briefly disclaimed.
"But ah... Me and Dash, and her and her bro Jakob. We all grew up pretty close. Not quite 'see each other every day' close. Just enough that they were a constant presence but there was still a pretty sharp divide in my head between them and my real siblings. And Alex was just... always so cool, and confident, and the older we got the prettier she got." He.. grinned a bit sheepishly. "Course what we all at the time thought was just 'crossdressing' probably didn't do anything to hurt for my super gay ass." By which Jazz should know he meant super pan given how often he mentioned his girlfriend but heh. He was just.. always really into masculine aesthetics, huh? Hehe.. "We were... really close for a long time, but..."
The smile faded. "She eventually drifted away like all the others, but even then I... sort of spent years, just kinda..." He laughed, weak and uncomfortable with no trace of smile. "In my head, no one who didn't already know me was ever gonna care about me. Orion was the only exception up to that point and he left. But Alex... was so amazing, and as much as I could tell I got on her nerves she never quite gave up on me. Like... family brand of loyalty and investment, but not 'actually' family? And I wanted that. So badly. Part of me almost just assumed we should be married someday. And..." He shifted a bit; it made him uncomfortable now. "Once when we were 18 and 19, I did manage to charm her briefly. She seemed like she was considering giving me a chance. We slept together exactly once, and... I kind of fucked things up immediately after and pushed her away. Spent years regretting it and wondering if I messed up my only chance of anything meaningful."
He took a deep breath in and out, trying to cleanse himself from all the gross feeling that dredged up. Afterward, he'd put a weak smile back on. "Clearly not, though, huh..? Made up with Alex recently, and I've kind of come to terms with the fact that they're family more than anything. ...So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Luke has some kind of feelings for you and Nilly's just making it really hard to figure out what to do with them. But maybe... he's the kind of person who's a better fit for honorary family than a partner, too. And that should be okay, too?"
All right... all right somehow he'd rambled just as long about all this as their previous rambles he was pretty sure, but.. heh. He guessed deep serious talk was what they signed up for, right? "In the past few weeks, I had one of the scariest nights of my life not knowing if Jasna and I would live or die; came out with some scars and she broke her leg. Then my sister almost died in an explosion. Then my girlfriend lost her arm. Then Orion went and got himself beat to hell to 'surprise' me, and I found out his bestie's harboring a parasitic alien." He actually.. laughed a bit thinking of how much it was all just.. yeah. "Getting better doesn't mean crazy-ass shit stops happening or everything is good. It just.. means you learn and grow and move on from some past hurt, and feel better prepared to face what lies ahead, and learn to appreciate the quiet moments in between more. But it's worth it. It really is."
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 5, 2017 15:12:49 GMT -8
By the time Jazz had finished, it was hard to breathe. He couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop feeling this way and he hated it. Hated how something like this could bring him to his breaking point. It wasn't fair and there didn't seem to be a good way out of this. Not without hurting himself more. Nik started speaking then, interrupting his thoughts which was honestly a welcome distraction considering. Veria's peaceful. Yeah, that was what he loved about it. Life was good here and yet... Jazz was still miserable. Was there something wrong with him? Some part of him wondered if he was cursed. Orion had even found happiness so why couldn't he? Nik's arm around him had him tensing briefly but he didn't pull away. To be honest, it was comforting to know he was there, that he wasn't alone in this. A soft tch sound escaped from him as Nik said things are already getting better. Were they? That was hard to believe. Hearing the advice about his other family and how Nik could relate to it did help some, mostly because Jazz knew it was true. But... things were a lot better on that front. Apparently his uncle had said some things to that jackass and Mom was a lot happier. That was good, she at least deserved to be happy. Things were still strained between Jazz and his stepdad but ever since Mom, Auntie, and Grandma came to visit, he'd been able to come to terms with... a lot of things. "Yeah... things are a lot better on that front though. Mom came a while back with my kid brother, Auntie, and Grandma. It was... nice. Hard at times considering they came after I ate the Chroma Cookie but sounds like my stepdad hasn't been as much of a jackass. I think my uncle, Orion's dad said something to him," Jazz murmured, smirking a bit at the thought of how that conversation might have gone. Nik went on after that however and Jazz's breath caught in his throat. He really, really didn't want to talk about Luke right then. Even if a lot of his problems seemed to center around him lately. As Nik described his situation though, Jazz took a deep breath, trying to listen instead of writing it off as bullshit. Still... the more Nik explained, the more it did sound similar to what he was going through with Luke. Jazz hadn't slept with him, hadn't even entertained actually being together as an option for years. Then Nilly happened and Jazz's life was turned upside down. "Maybe... I mean, for years it was just a crush. I knew it wouldn't go further than that and that was ok. I was happy just be with him, just to work with him and do what I could," Jazz murmured, running his fingers through his hair, "Then Nilly happened and everything changed. I would've been fine if Luke hadn't said anything. I would've been alright to stay friends if that was what made him happy. It was Luke that changed things, not me. I... I just hate feeling like this. Torture would have been kinder than teasing me..." he continued quietly, taking a shaky breath as Nik started talking again. Damn, and I thought I had it rough. What the hell did Nik do to piss of Arceus that much? Still... if they were going to talk about dangerous things, Jazz had some other stories he could tell. Hearing that Nik's girlfriend lost her arm... wait... huh? That... no, it couldn't be the same person, could it? The more Nik went on, the more Jazz managed to relax, smirking a bit. Yeah, life could get pretty crazy, couldn't it. He knew that much already. Still, Nik did have a point. Appreciating the quiet moments, huh. Yeah... aside from the shit with Luke, Jazz couldn't really complain. Of course, moving on with past pain... that was easier said than done. "Yeah... life can get crazy. Heh, if ya wanna talk about partners being in trouble, I ran into Niso fucking Konto a while back. He seemed like a cool kid at first but when I let slip that I didn't like the police he fucking kidnapped me with his Golurk and then tried to throw Kovu's pokeball in the ocean. I bashed his face in and opened it before he could 'n Kovu chomped his hand off to get his pokeball back," Jazz explained, hissing as he thought of what had happened. Feeling over Kovu's pokeball, he brought it out to show Nik the rather special and elaborate design. "My dad gave me Kovu. There's no way in hell I was gonna lose him. But ya have a point. I can't say I have many 'quiet' moments but, I am trying. Even if I can't figure out emotions worth shit. Half the time I think there's something wrong with me." A soft half laugh was given as Jazz debated releasing Kovu before finally putting the ball back in his pocket. He still wasn't feeling all that great but it was better. Telling someone outside his family almost felt good? Well... not really considering that Nik now knew just how fucked up he was but... even then? Nik hadn't lectured him or anything? Just... accepted it, moved on and tried to help? It... felt nice, really nice and Jazz could see part of why Orion loved Nik so much. There weren't many people that could do that and it made Jazz respect Nik more. Oh... right, there was that. Well, might as well ask, huh. "By the way... is your girlfriend by chance Mia Kearney?"
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 5, 2017 15:54:07 GMT -8
Nik debated what to say about Luke, but he worried about giving the wrong impression. He didn't know enough about Luke as a person or about what Nihilego might do to its host. Jazz said something about deepest desires and..? Yandere?? But was that normal or an isolated incident? And since Luke seemed maybe at worst kind of moody and irritable, it could hardly be so extreme as Jazz described, but... He did have to wonder if Nihilego was giving him urges he didn't normally have and Luke was trying to resist them, or bringing desires to the surface that he did have but wanted to keep suppressed, or if Luke was just the sort of person to seek physical comfort during stress and wound up regretting letting Jazz fill that role, or...? There were too many possi--
........ NISO. Niso what the actual fuck. Nik clamped his jaw tight in a powerful effort to hold his tongue. To avoid ranting about NISO or the urge to ensure Jazz nothing like that would happen again. He'd settle for, "At least he shouldn't bother you again, huh?" Nik would fucking make sure of it. If he touched a Laska or a Verdi again-- HUFF... Okay, breathe Nik...
"Mm?? Er, yeah, I thought you knew that. Why do you ask?"
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 5, 2017 16:18:31 GMT -8
Jazz smirked a bit when Nik joked a bit about Niso not bothering him, "Sure hope so. Niso's aura is fucking huge and terrifying. If it wasn't for my new aura sight, I think I would've gotten outta there jis fine. Don't think anyone could have prepared me for seeing that. If I do see him again, he's gonna get punched in the face," he laughed, only half-joking about the punch. The next reply however had Jazz grinning. Hell, yes. He remembered hearing it in passing but guess something got lost in translation. Well, now that it was Confirmed maybe Nik would enjoy hearing what Jazz had planned for a Christmas present. "I guess I never made the connection. But, I'm good friends with her too. Actually, maybe I could get some advice from you. I was thinking about making an arm for Mia. I've only really just started planning it and the blueprints are mostly done but... as far as customization goes, what do you think she'd like? Hell, I could do anything from a portable MP3 player to pokeball storage... maybe even something to hold megastones? I also need to figure out what sort of metal to cover the arm with. Mia's strong and well, it should be lightweight but durable," Jazz explained, his eyes bright with excitement as he mapped out his plans for what he could do. This was what he loved to do and it showed. He could ramble on for hours about his plans and probably would if Nik didn't interject somewhere during the conversation. Lucky for Nik, Jazz stopped himself before he could rant too much about it. Right, he could spaz about his plans later. He'd asked for Nik's help and... should probably let him answer, right.
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 5, 2017 17:24:01 GMT -8
"I--" What? What??? Don't freak out, Nik. It was normal not to know all the details of one's social life, right? Especially one as expansive as Mia's, heh. So focusing first on the good news: "That's hella rad??" Like?? What were even the odds? ... Hehe, evens, odds... "B-but as far as ideas. Mmm." What could he see her enjoying... "Her gauntlets had stuff for a Key Stone and Z-Charm and some Pokeball launchers, so you could probably build all those in."
...He thought he could ignore it but he couldn't. "But seriously. How is this the first I'm hearing of this??" Did Mia know Jazz was Orion's cousin? ...Also it was kind of jarring to think of Mia having male friends who weren't, like, big burly miners?? hahaha. Like obviously Mia was friends with damn near everyone but.. hrm, he guessed 'good' friends might be what was tripping him. "Like how long have you known each other?"
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Trainer
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY Elayne
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Post by Jazz Johnson on Dec 5, 2017 17:56:09 GMT -8
Jazz grinned when Nik liked the idea and looked thoughtful about what he could add. Hmm, right. He remembered seeing her gauntlets before. Maybe a panel that could hide the pokeballs and then a separate area for the Z-Charm and Key Stone. That would be a little difficult to suprise Mia with though... at least not without having one of his own. I should solve that. Maybe Orion had one though? Ehh, it was just for testing purposes anyway. That could wait until after he got the general wiring figured out. Still... he would need the measurements of the stump and hurrrr, this was going to take so much work and time. "Oh, good idea! I could mimic her gauntlets and maybe add in a few other features too. If you come up with any other ideas, lemme know. Though... I might need your help to get her measurements to make sure it fits. It'd suck if I built the thing and it doesn't fit, yunno?" Jazz explained and would have continued on with more of his plans before Nik asked why he hadn't heard Mia and him were friends. Well... uh, that hadn't been meant as a surprise? Oh well? "Sorry? I didn't mean it as a huge surprise. I mean, it's not like it's a secret or anything? I met her when she asked me to come look at one of her bikes. Liggs is so cool, I love all of it and hey, I met someone who liked the same things I do after basically just settling down in Veria. Well, somewhere around that time at any rate. It was before I started working on Sinclair and was doing more freelance work when I could. Meeting Mia though? She's so cool and it was like one of the first times I felt like I could be myself and that didn't happen often then," Jazz explained, grinning a bit more at the memory, "I met her before Luke came to Veria though, before I had the cookie. So... shortly after you met Orion again? Maybe?"
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Civilian
I can't help it, I'm a babbling idiot. Please kiss me quick, 'cause I need to feel it~ |
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PLAYED BY OOC NAME
PLAYED BY 🌸 SG 🌸
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Post by Nikolai Laska on Dec 5, 2017 18:27:33 GMT -8
Oh.. Huh. That was sort of an info-dump-y ramble wasn't it? Or was he just mentally exaggerating it because it contained new info on Mia sort of? Mm, maybe. It was still enough to make him wonder just how much he and Jazz had in common. He'd always seemed pretty quiet but could apparently rant on once he got going, and it wouldn't surprise him if being such a skilled engineer involved some special interest stuff. ..Actually, given his age and the fact that his Tragic Backstory didn't sound like it involved a lot of formal training, that sounded a hell of a lot more plausible than not, didn't it?
The way he was reacting to Luke could certainly be taken as signs of change aversion, too, huh..? Like in that he'd been fine until there was a hint of a dynamic change and now Jazz couldn't take it as an isolated incident for being hurled into a frenzy over it? Or... Hrm. Was that normal given feelings involved? He.. had zero context for whether it was or not, heh. Ah.. at any rate, he'd keep an eye out for like.. sensory issues or the like in the future and see if he might be onto something here. (Or he could just ask but naaahhhhh.)
"That's a pretty cool coincidence, heh. But yeah, I'd definitely love to help. I've.. gotta imagine she'd have mentioned you before if she realized we were living in the same place, so if she doesn't know I can probably farm her for ideas without her realizing it, too~" He gave a devious smirk. "What kind of measurements do you need, by the way? ...I guess we'll actually have to wait for her arm muscle to finish settling before making a final measurement attachment-wise, unless you could make that adjustable." ...Another snrrk, "Though given her muscles..."
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